What's there to be happy about?

In a few hours, I turn 22. In a few hours, I celebrate the day I was born. In a few hours, I will be at home. In a few hours, I will celebrate my birthday alone.

This is the first time, I won't be celebrating with my housemates and friends. I am beyond sad. I'm not even sad about the fact that I'm getting older because I stopped aging at the age of 15. I have my officemates with me on that day, I have my cousin, my relatives. But it's still not the same. I'm longing for something that isn't there. I'm wishing for something that won't come true. It's funny that I may have the things I want but I do not have the things that I need. I always say that money makes me happy and my friends can attest to that, but there are times when money isn't enough.

Earlier today I was online and a friend asked what I wanted for my birthday. I was literally stomped. It took me minutes to think of an answer because I couldn't think of anything. I just got my iPhone, I've bought a ton of clothes over the past weeks, I didn't really know what to say. Eventually, I just asked for the second book of the Wicked Years which is "Son of a Witch". I already have that book but I asked for a specific edition because I'm collecting them in their original cover art. I dont mind reading it again anyway.

I was planning to go back home to Baguio during my birthday but due to my schedule at work, I couldn't leave. It's the first time I wont celebrate with my bestfriend Jackie. I may have people around me and I truly appreciate them and the efforts they do to cheer me up but it's just not the same. It kills me not to be with the people I've considered family for years, it kills me that I didn't even say goodbye properly, it kills me to even remember all the good times I've had with them.

I know it's my birthday and that I should be happy but in all honesty, what's there to be happy about?