Conversations

Me: Hello my dear wife who thinks im high maintenance and is annoyed at me 90% of the time but still loves me like a son of a bitch.
Lyve: Hello my dear husband who really is a high maintained bastard who loves me too much but cant admit it to himself.
Me: So how was your day dear?
Lyve: It's alright.

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Bea: She’s a bitch, I know.
Me: Yeah. *bleep* is a lot kinder and more approachable.
Bea: That’s because she’s a mother.
Me: But she’s a mother too.
Bea: I mean a caring mother.
Me: Hahaha I love how you just said that.

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Lyve: Am I suppose to be thankful for that?!
Me: No. You’r suppose to miss my insensitive-arrogant-religion-mocking-racist ass.
Lyve: Not when I’m part of those you make fun of.

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Reuben: I’m so hungry I could eat a cow.
Me: Wow you don’t care if you gain weight.
Reuben: It was a metaphor, an aphorism or shit like that.
*5 minutes later*
Reuben: I’m not fierce. I was never fierce.
Me: Oh God Reuben are you having an aneurysm?
Reuben: What’s that?
Me: 0_0

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Me: Yeah he wears a corset to lose weight.
Kino: The thing you put on your wrist?
Me: Huh?
Kino: you know, like during prom night.
Me: Thats a corsage.
Kino: Oh yeah, hahaha.
Me: Hahaha