Monday, November 1, 2010
Goodbye Is Not Always Goodbye
Station ng Victory Liner.
"Tumigil ka na sa pag-iyak dahil any minute now eh maiiyak narin ako!", sita ng Lyve.
Tahimik lang ako.
Nakatingin si Jet sa akin.
Habang hinihintay ang bus ko pabalik ng Maynila, nasa waiting area kami ng Victory Liner.
Nakaupo kami sa pinakadulo. May hawak akong panyo na nakatakip sa aking mga mata at tahimik akong umiiyak.
"Ang hirap lang kasi pagbalik ko dun mag-isa nanaman ako. Ano ang silbi na may pera ako? Ano ang silbi na may bahay ako? Mag-isa naman ako.", paputol putol na sagot ko.
Yumakap si Lyve sa akin. Nakatingin sa akin si Jet.
"Siguraduhin mong babalik ka", paalala ni Lyve.
"Basta tandaan mo sinabi ko. Kung kelangan mo ng kausap, kung kelangan mo ng paglalabasan ng sama ng loob, kung kelangan mong umiyak dahil nag-away kayo, tumawag ka lang sa akin. Alam mo naman ako, I have all the time in the world", sabi ni Jet.
Tahimik parin ako.
"3:30 na", sai ni Jet.
"Tara sa labas, yosi tayo", bigla kong sinabi.
Natawa silang dalawa.
Pagdating ng 3:40 narining ko nang bumusina ang bus na sasakyan ko. Dali dali kaming bumalik sa Terminal. Hinatid nila ako sa may bus mismo at nung nakasakay na ako, saka naman sila umalis.
Hindi ko ma-explain ang nararamdaman ko nun. Parang may batong nakabara sa lalamunan ko. Pigil na pigil sa pagluha sa bus. Nakakahiya kasi public vehicle yun eh mamaya isipin ng mga pasahero eh nasisiraan ako ng bait.
Magka-text kami ni Parker habang nasa byahe ako. Nakabalik na siya sa kanila ng mga oras na yun.
Sinabi ko kay Parker na naiiyak nanaman ako. Biglang tumunog ang phone ko.
Si Parker tumatawag. Buti nalang naka headset ako.
"How are you?", tanong niya.
"Im okay", sagot ko.
"Are you sure?"
"You know me. I'll be fine in a while"
"I've been there Babe. I know how it feels."
"It kills me that I'm leaving. This is the reason why I didn't want to go to Baguio in the first place. I knew it would be hard for me to leave. I just didn't think it would be this hard."
"Dont be sad na. You have me, and Baguio will always be there. Just like me, your friends are just a call or text away. If you feel sad, if you wanna cry, I'm here Babe you know that. I know there are times that I wont be able to reply immediately or answer all of your calls, but you know that I'm here and I'll contact you as soon as I can", he said
I felt a tear run down my cheek.
"Don't be sad because I believe that your friends wont want you to be sad. Yeah they were upset that you left, but do you think they're still crying now? Remember the good times you had with them, memories that would make you smile. Why are you sad anyway? Because they're there? Because you're alone in your house? That's selfish of you babe because you will always have me. Sure Im not with you physically but I'm here and your friends will always be there. We'll go there to Baguio soon. I'll get to meet your friends and they'll get to meet me. I'll be seeing you in a few days as well. So don't be sad. When you're sad, I'm sad because there's nothing I could do to make your pain go away", he added.
I realized he was right. It was good that he called. His re-assuring voice made everything easier for me.
"I don't want you to be sad na. You should be happy because you were able to see your friends after how many months. Kaya smile na babe ko. Wag ka na pong umiyak."
Napangiti ako nung sabihin niya 'to.
Yung sakit at bigat na nararamdaman ko, unti-unting nawala. Bigla kong naalala ang masasayang oras na kasama ko sina Lyve, Jet, Darnell, at iba pang mga kaibigan ko. Naisip ko na magkikita kita pa kami. One of the things I love about Parker is that he knows exactly what to say to make me feel better.
So I left my home once more, but I'll be sure to go back because goodbyes don't necessarily mean forever.