Obsessive - Compulsive: A Real Struggle

A lot of people joke about being obsessive-compulsive (OC) or having OC tendencies. These are funny and all but do they truly understand what it feels like? Do they have any idea how much of a struggle it is?

For example, do they know the feeling of having sleepless nights just because two pillows have a different pillowcase or their pillows are not arranged in a certain order?

It may seem ridiculous or downright crazy, but that's the reality of it all. Not all of us can function normally knowing that our phones have scratches on them or that one sock isn't symmetrical with the other.

For other's, it's something so trivial and they look at us like we're freaks of nature but honestly, we're not. We're just wired differently. We look at the world in a different perspective. We appreciate things that strike balance and anything that disrupts that balance sets us off.

Imagine, having a preference for the color of your gadgets and then one of them is different. It's not hating on the color or the gadget, it's just that it doesn't look even.

One of the biggest problems I have is with books. If I could buy hardbound books only, I would. But I cant. Some are not available here. When I started reading the Harry Potter books, the first 2 were paperback. The rest were hardbound.

Can you imagine how annoyed I get when I look at them? They're not balanced. They're not equal. A book is a book... to someone who isn't OC. But for someone who is, this is sacrilege.

It's not easy dealing with it and we try our best to keep our urges at bay, but it's hard. It's like an itch in our brains that we can't scratch. We all have different forms or quirks of being OC. Some have it easy and they can easily brush it off. For some, it's worse.

Having to go down at night just to make sure that you locked the front door and then going back down again to make sure that you didn't unlock it by mistake when you were checking if it was locked. Yeah, that happens. I've experienced it. I still do.

How about arranging your clothes by color and size with the corresponding hangers to indicate which are regular shirts, dress shirts, polo-shirts, pants, and jackets?

How about not being able to eat when using a different plate or mug because your brain was wired to only appreciate food served on specific plate and drink from a specific mug.

I could keep going on. I could keep rambling, but I'll just sound crazy to people who don't understand what it feels like.

So ease up on the jokes. Being obsessive-compulsive isn't that fun.

Throwback Thursday

A few years ago, I was at my Mom's birthday party in La Union. My Grandfather (well, he wasn't really my grandfather but you get the point), who was still alive and at the time was there. He lived in Canada but was in the country at that time.

During the party, I had a guest with me. To the world, he was my bestfriend. but in reality, he was more than that.

After the party, when all of the guests had left, I was at the house and so was my Grandfather. I don't think I've ever told this story to anyone, not even my Mom. He called me and said he wanted to talk to me.

"The guy who's with you, I know he's not your bestfriend," he said.

I looked at him confused while trying to hide my fear that my cover had just been blown.

"I know he's your boyfriend. I can see it. I can sense it. You don't have to hide the truth."

I was silent. I did not know how to react. I did not know what to say.

"It's fine," he said. "You don't have to say anything."

I smiled and said goodnight.

A few years after that, I found the courage to come out to my mother and she welcomed me with open arms. She said that she knew since I was young.

Looking back, I wish I had the courage that night to tell my grandfather the truth. He asked me many times after that and every time, I would deny it. He passed away a month before I came out. At that time, I wished he were alive to hear the news. I think I should mention that that grandfather of mine was gay, and a proud one at that. He was one of the reasons why my Mom loves gay men.

At that time, I felt a sigh of relief. At least, there was one person who seemed fine with me being gay.

Happy Birthday, Gregory!

Happy Birthday to the best boyfriend in the world!

Happy Birthday to you who makes me smile and makes me laugh out loud without a care in the world.

You who loves me unconditionally.

You who makes my day complete.

You who still sweeps me off my feet.

I may not show it and I may not say it all the time, but I am grateful to have you in my life. I know I can be a handful because loving me means you have to love everything that I am and everything that I am not.

Between the two of us, you are the rational one. You are the perfect balance I need to remind myself that I don't need a lot of things in life to be happy. You take care of me in ways that make me realize that I no longer have to be alone. I don't thank you enough for that.

You have all these little quirks that make me smile whenever I think about them and you keep your composure even when things get rough but the times when you've let your guard down and I saw you break, those moments made me love you a bit more because I saw a side of you that no one else saw.

I love how we have our own little world, our own little bubble where even if it's just the two of us, we don't get bored with one another and we can go on laughing for hours on end. Most people don't even get to experience that kind of love.

I was broken when you met me, I still am and for so many years I've become accustomed to doing things by myself. At times I've pushed you away and built a wall but I am amazed at how patient you are and that even if you don't exactly understand what I am going through or what it feels like to be me, you try your best to do so. Just because I don't say it, it doesn't mean that I don't see the effort you make.

With you I feel safe. With you I feel secure, and little by little, I start to feel whole.

I love you not because of the sweet things you do for me, I love you because you love me despite everything I am that isn't worth loving.

And since it is your birthday, I wrote a song for you.



I hope you like it.

Love,
Adam

Happy Mothers Day!

Today is a special day.

It's Mother's Day. The day we dedicate to our Mothers, the woman who drives us crazy sometimes but we love her no matter what and we run to her when shit hits the fan.

All of my friends know that my mother and I have a non-conventional Mother-Son relationship. We're more like bestfriends and we can tell each other anything. When I am down, my mother is not the type who will pacify me. She will tell me to stand up and face the world with my head held high.

She taught me to be independent, to stand on my own two feet.

My mother can't do the laundry, but she'll hire the best laundry woman there is. She can't really cook, but she tries her best in the kitchen. My mother is not a typical mother. She has the beauty that make men fawn over her, she has the flare and pizzazz of a gay man, she curses like a sailor and she has one of the most infectious laughs I've ever heard.

When I told her I was gay, she said her dream came true. When something good happens, she's the first person I would call. When I need guidance on something big, I would solicit her advice. She gives good insight on things like when she told me this: "Good things come to those who wait. But not too long. I don't like waiting for a long time."

Everyone says that they have the best Mom in the world. Well, not only do I have the best mom, I also have the coolest mom.

I mean, look at her. Carrying around that selfie pod, not a care in the world :)

Happy Mother's day, Ma. Love you.

Sa Ngalan Ng Pamilya (Paninindigan - Reputasyon - Dangal)

So this is what has been keeping me busy. I'm part of a play.

It's a family drama that focuses on the life of the Ibarra family. A family with a dominating father who has too much control over his children, a wife who blindly follows her husband, and children who yearn to be free from their father's tyrant rule.

Presented by the San Lorenzo Ruiz Parish Gospel Choir in partnership with the Parish Youth Ministry.

Dates: April 14 and 16, 2014

Price: 100php

Venue: San Lorenzo Ruiz Parish Formation Center, Tierra Verde 1, Tandang Sora, QC

The Boss and I

My boss and I have a simple but also somewhat-complex relationship. I drive him crazy, he drives me crazy, but it works for the both of us. I bitch about him asking me to write stuff, he complains about how I never show up for work on time. Simple stuff. But every now and then, there are moments when we sit and talk, like good old friends, and I seek for his advice.

"Are you nervous?" he asked.

"Nervous, excited, impatient, I don't really know."

We were discussing something about work. Because it's something that's confidential, I can't really go into much detail.

"I don't know what to do or what to feel," I said.

He talked me through the whole thing and gave me advice on what to do. You see, dear readers, I am now in a phase where I am ready to step up and do more in the company so I've been trying to work on that. But at the same time, a part of me was scared shitless because my job now has become my comfort zone. I've been doing this gig for 3 years. It's a no-brainer for me now.

"You don't wanna stay here forever. You spend what, 2 hours editing articles, and the rest of the day smoking or on Facebook or those side projects we ask you to do. I don't complain because you do what you are told and you deliver what is expected of you but you don't wanna check the typo errors of our writers forever. You have the potential to do more and the company could benefit from that," he told me.

He echoed what I was feeling for some time now.

"Go to the interview and impress whoever you need to impress. I'm sure you'll do well when you get the job. Go in there, kick ass, show them that you deserve that job and maybe show up for work on time," he added with a chuckle.

My boss and I may not always see eye to eye and there are times when we argue over small things but I am glad that I have a boss who I can run to for advice whenever I need it and he would know exactly what to say to me. How lucky am I, right?

The Harshness Of Me

I was with one of my friends who also happens to be one of my choir mates. Nasa labas kami ng simbahan at tumatambay. We were discussing the choir and how the people are performing within the group.

I've been part of show choirs in the past so for me, a choir should be able to stand without an instrumentalist. But for the choir I am in right now, since it is a church choir, if the instrumentalist isn't available, it's like all hell just broke loose.

They rely too much on the accompaniment which goes to show that they are not confident enough that their own voices would be able to give justice to the song. The funny thing is, we use sheet music and SATB arrangements so singing acapella shouldn't be an issue. But that's rather here nor there at this point.

"Sana magkaroon ng acapella choir dito no? That would be awesome!" he suddenly said.

"Actually, we've been planning to form a quartet for a while now," I answered.

"Acapella?" he asked.

"Of course. I want to have a quartet with really good members so that we wont have to rely on an instrumentalist. Everything will be acapella."

"Sino sino kayo?"

I told him the names of my companions.

"We already have a Soprano, Alto and I'll be the Bass. The problem is finding a good Tenor. One that will pass my standards," I said.

"Why not me? I'm a Tenor," he suggested.

"Please don't take this the wrong way. We're friends and I like you and all but you don't pass my standards," I replied without skipping a beat.

I think I hurt his feelings with what I said. Not sure.

See, that's the problem with me. I am candid. Too candid, if I'm being honest, so sometimes I don't notice if I'm saying things that are offensive because I forget that not everyone is a cold-hearted bitch like me.

Some people have actually feelings or something to that effect.

"Here's the deal," I said, "Your voice is too nasal-ly and there are notes you can't reach using a natural tenor range and when you do, it sounds too thin. So take it as you will but for a quartet that requires all 4 voices, you will not be an option for me. But if I were to form a group that would sing at gigs/bars, trust me, you'll be one of the first few I'll ask since you sing RnB pretty well."

I think that was a good save. Was it? This is why I try to avoid human contact. I am forced to have a conscience or something that resembles one.

And I wonder why people say I can be very mean.

Oh well.

Ang kwento ni Medyo-Malanding-Kitty Part 2

Pag-dating namin sa bahay, hindi parin makaget over ang lahat sa nangyari. Nakakaloka si Medyo-Malanding-Kitty.

Hiniram ni Sven and Nintendo DS ko at naglaro sa isang sulok, si Diva naman ay inaantok kaya umidlip muna sa sofa. Kami ni Dyosa ay tumambay sa dining table para magyosi. Pinaguusapan parin namin si Medyo-Malanding-Kitty.

"Hindi ba siya nahihiya sa mga ginagawa niya?" sabi ni Dyosa na halatang nakukunsume dahil sa nangyari.

"Eh alam mo naman yun, walang delikadesa sa katawan. Saka anong magagawa natin. Nakatikim at nagustuhan, ayan tuloy gusto na niyang tikman lahat," sagot ko sabay sindi ng yosi.

Hindi maka-get over si Dyosa. Affected si bakla.

"Hindi pwedeng ganyan na pinagsasabay niya. Okay lang kung pa-isa-isa pero yung ganyang pinagsasabay niya lahat, paano kung magkasakit siya?"

"May antibiotics," sagot ko na walang kagatol-gatol.

"Paano kung mabuntis siya?!"

"Malay mo baog or yung lalaki ang baog," sagot ko sabay hit-hit ng yosi.

"Sana nga."

"Saka kung mabuntis siya, kawawa yung bata. Lukaret ang magiging nanay niya."

Napatawa kaming dalawa ng malakas.

"Alam mo ang problema kasi eh kinukunsinti niyo. Lalo na yang si Diva," sabi ko sabay turo sa kanya.

"Sila," sagot ni Dyosa. "Jusme hindi uubra sa akin yang mga ganyan ni Medyo-Malanding-Kitty."

"Eh ang masama pa, pag may nangyari sa kanya, sino ang masisisi? Si Diva. Kasi kaibigan niya. Siya yung sisisihin ng magulang ni Medyo-Malanding-Kitty."

"Hindi nga?!" tanong ni Dyosa.

"Oo," sagot ko. "Nangyari na yun dati. Basta may kagagahan gawin yang si Medyo-Malanding-Kitty, si Diva ang napapagalitan. Siguro titigil lang si Diva sa pangungunsinti kapag umabot sa point na siya na yung mapahamak."

"Paano?"

"Ewan. Siguro yung mabuntis si Medyo-Malanding-Kitty tapos sugurin ng magulang niya si Diva dahil hindi binantayan. As if naman may power si Diva na kontrolin ang batcave ni Medyo-Malanding-Kitty."

Nagpatuloy ang usapan namin ni Diva ngunit gabi na at may pasok pa ako kinabukasan.

Nagpaalam na sila at umuwi sa kani-kanilang mga bahay.

Kinabukasan, habang pauwi ako galing trabaho, nagtext si Dyosa.

"Punta kami nila Diva sa bahay mo."

"Sige", aking reply sa text.

Pagdating ko sa bahay ay nandun sila sa gate at hinihintay ako.

"Nagtext si Medyo-Malanding-Kitty," sabi ni Diva.

"Ansabe?"

"Im depressed, andyan ba kayo kina Anton? Pwede ba akong pumunta dyan?"

"Anong sagot mo?" tanong ko.

"Pumunta ka ng adoration chapel."

Napatawa ako ng malakas.

"Anong sabi pagkatapos?"

"Hindi na nagreply."

Humagalpak kaming lahat sa kakatawa.

"Eh paano nga kung pumunta siya dito sa bahay mo?" tanong ni Dyosa.

"Unang-una, dapat ako ang tanungin niya dahil bahay ko 'to. Pangalawa, hindi pwede. Banned siya sa bahay ko," sagot ko in my best Senyora Santibanez accent.

"Ha?! Baket?!" tanong nilang lahat.

Itutuloy...

How Do You Keep A Secret?

A few days ago, I was with one of my friends, let's call him Billy, and we were discussing something about his best friend, who we shall name Justin. You see, Billy found out by accident that his best friend is gay. Justin has no idea that Billy found out. Billy is upset that Justin hasn't come out to him and is frustrated about the whole thing because they have been friends for many years and he feels that he deserves to find out directly from Justin. Billy has been hounding me about the whole thing. I think he is under the impression that I am an expert of the subject of homosexuality.

"Kung ikaw, Anton, paano mo itatago na may alam ka?", Billy asked.

"If I were in your situation, I would keep in mind that my friendship with the person goes beyond his sexuality so our friendship will always come first."

"Eh paano nga? Ang hirap na nakikita ko siya at hindi ko siya makausap."

"Ganito lang yan. Respect. Since he hasn't come out to you, you will have to respect his decision. Wala kang magagawa kundi mag hintay na maging ready siya. you said na hindi issue sa iyo ang pagiging bakla niya, then why are you bothered now?"

He kept arguing with me because I was not giving him the answer he wanted to hear. I gave the answer he was supposed to hear but he was having none of it.

Amidst of all of this, his question lingered and the words "paano mo itatago na may alam ka?" resonated inside my head. I then remembered that I am in a similar situation.

Another friend of mine, let's call him Danny, came out to me a few years ago and ever since then, I have been keeping his secret. How did I manage to keep things a secret this long? I know his friends, I know his family and yet I have managed to help him keep this secret from them.

It all boiled down to respect. Him coming out to me wasn't his choice. His exact words before were, "the cat's out of the bag. Why would I still deny it?" But he asked me to keep his secret for only I knew the truth. I respected that.

He introduced me to his circle and I am still friends with them up to this day. When they chat and reminisce about time gone by, I can't help but feel an ounce of guilt and jealousy because the things I know about him are the things I am not allowed to talk about. If only they knew that side that I've seen, they would love and embrace him too regardless of his sexuality.

For a baffling moment, I questioned how I've managed to keep my mouth shut and pretend as if I knew nothing. But in the moment it took me to question myself, I also found the clarity, the answer that I needed. I respected his request not because he came out to me. I respected his request because he was my friend and that was the only reason I needed.

Going back to Billy, he was relentless in hounding me about the whole thing but at some point I steered the conversation to another direction because I was not giving him the answer he wanted to hear so he wasn't accepting the explanation I was trying to give.

Maybe I'll document the whole Billy-Justin saga. I just hope they don't find my blog :D

Random Conversations With The BF

Him: I don't want to be a nagger.
I point at something behind him.
Me: Look over there! Something shiny!
He starts laughing.
Him: Stop it! You wont distract me!
He slowly turns around.
Me: Why did you look?
Him: Eh kasi you said there was something shiny.

******

I was watching TV. He was asleep. I was startled when he woke up and suddenly hit me in the arm.
Me: WTF?!
Him: That's what you get for hitting me!
Me: When did I hit you?!
Him: When I spilled chili sauce on your shoes. You yelled at me in front of a lot of people.
Me: What the hell are you talking about?!
Him: Oh... wait... I think I was dreaming haha
*facepalm

******

Him: My officemates are making fun of me for calling a friend because I can't decide which phone to get. I have first world problems daw.
Me: Eh you have first problems problems naman talaga.
Him: Che!

******

Him: So I've been quiet because I'm cold and busy and my boss goes, "Gregory has been very quiet today"
Me: Eh kasi when you stop talking people worry that you're having an aneurysm or something :)
Him: Che!

******

Me: I don't want to eat the Sicilian or Greek place. It smells bad. It smells like feet.
Him: How could you even compare food to the smell of feet?
Me: Have you smelled durian?
Him: Yeah. Why does your feet smell like durian?
Me: After running and jogging it might.
Him: Ewww! And I can say ewww because my feet don't smell.
Me: Eh kasi you don't walk.
Him: I walk!
Me: Shopping does not count.
Him: I don't shop all the time!
Me: When was the last time you shopped?
Him: Last week.
I start laughing hysterically.
Him: Stop it! I shop out of necessity.
I'm still laughing hysterically.
Him: Nakakainis ka.
He starts laughing too.

******

Him: Okay let's make a deal. When I have moments or you think I'm being crazy you say a word so I'll know what you consider as a "moment".
Me: Sige I'll say the word Pikachu.
Him: Okay. Oh my gosh! you know where I wanna eat?!
Me: Pikachu! Pikachu! Pikachu!
Him: What?!
Me: Pikachu! Pikachu! Pikachu!
Him: That's gonna lose its meanig if you keep doing that.
Me: Pikachu! Pikachu! Pikachu!
He stops talking.
Me: Pikachu! Pikachu! Pikachu!
Him: I'm not even talking.
Me: Pikachu! Pikachu! Pikachu!
Him: Nakakainis ka.

******

While driving me home, he played Defying Gravity. I started singing along.
Me: When I was in college, we did a show called 'Songs I'll Never Get To Sing' and I sang this.
Him: Why this song?
Me: Because I'll never get to play Elphaba.
Him: I think I would rather play Glinda.
Me: That's because she's blonde.
Him: Stop comparing me to a blonde!

Ang kwento ni Medyo-Malanding-Kitty

Isa ako sa mga huling lumabas after ng rehearsal. Pagkakita ko sa mga kasama ko, hindi sila magkanda-ugaga.

"Anong nangyari?!", aking tanong.

Bigla daw kasing kumaripas ng takbo ang isa naming kaibigan, itago natin siya sa pangalang "Medyo-Malanding-Kitty", nang makitang palabas ang mga kasama ko.

"Tinawag ko pa nga siya pero ni hindi lumingon at kunwari hindi ako narinig," sabi ng aking friend who we shall name Diva.

"May kasama siyang lalaki! Sila yung nasa kotseng paalis nung lumabas ka!" dagdag ng isa pa naming kasama na aking papangalanan na Sven.

"Bakit may ganung eksena?" tanong ko.

"Hindi ko nga alam eh." sagot ni Diva.

"Basta nung nakitang papalabas na kami eh nagmadali siya umalis", sabi ni Sven.

Naririnig kong naguusap-usap ang mga tao sa paligid. Eto ang ila sa mga narinig kong sinasabi nila tungkol kay Medyo-Malanding-Kitty.

"Bakit pa niya dinala dito kung ganun din lang?"

"Boyfriend ba niya yun? Mukhang bading naman."

"Ang bilis tumakbo nun, tumaob pa yung upuan. Nagpanic bigla."

"Nako pinaparada lang niya yan. Nagpapapansin nanaman yan."

Sa isip-isip ko nung mga oras na yun, "Jusme Medyo-Malading-Kitty, ano nanabang kahihiyan tong pinasok mo?"

Ganito kasi, si Medyo-Malanding-Kitty ay isang kaibigan namin na although mabait naman, medyo maluwag na ata ang mga turnilyo sa utak niya. Medyo lang. Sa sobrang pagnanais niya na magka jowa, eh kung ano anong mga kagagahan ang ginawa niya. 

We try to intervene when we can to let her know na mali ang ginagawa niya. We've also told her na hindi kailangan malaman ng buong mundo na nakipagsex siya kahapon, last week, kanina lang at kung ilang oras, ilang beses and every other sordid details there are. Kung maka-announce naman kasi si lola eh nakakaloka, abot hanggang kabilang bundok.

 Eh kaso, waley. Kasi naman. Dapat eh kalma kalma din sa kakatihan minsan.

"Ayan na! Nagtxt na siya sa akin!" sigaw ni Diva.

"Ansabe?" tanong ko.

"I'm sorry. You can't meet him yet. Hindi siya yung 21 year old." basa ni Diva sa txt ni Medyo-Malanding-Kitty.

"Eh sino yan?" tanong ko.

Biglang nilapit sa tenga niya ang phone. Tinatawagan na pala ni Diva si Medyo-Malanding-Kitty. Pagsagot niya sa phone, bigla kaming nagingay habang nageexplain siya kay Diva.

"Ano na bakit ka umalis?" sigaw ko.

"Hoy loser bakit ka nagmadaling umalis?!" sigaw nung ibang kasama ko.

Sinenyasan kami ni Diva na magsitigil kami.

"Grabe bakit siya pumapayag ng ganun? Hindi maganda yang ginagawa niya na yan na papalit-palit. Paano pag nagkasakit siya dahil dyan?!" biglang sabi ng isang kasama namin. Itago natin siya sa pangalang Dyosa.

"Hayaan niyo," sabi ko. "Desperada eh."

"Eh delikado yang ginagawa niya eh!" sagot ni Dyosa.

"Eh wala nga tayong magagawa!"

Matapos magyosi ay napagdesisyunan naming pumunta sa bahay ko. Mula byahe pauwi hanggang makarating kami sa bahay eh si Medyo-Malanding-Kitty parin ang pinaguusapan namin.

Itutuloy...

When Can One Be Called A Singer?

I always tell my friends that being a singer and being a performer are two completely different things. Anyone who can carry a tune can be a singer but not every singer can be a performer. A performer is someone who has the complete package. The voice, the presence, the theatricality.

But then I wondered, when can one be called a singer?

You see, I try to listen to everything but of course I have my preferred genres when it comes to music. There are different styles and different techniques to grab the audiences attention. But will the singer be good enough to give justice to the song?

When songs are written, the songwriter shares a story. A piece of them is embedded into the music. It could be the lyrics to verbally express things they could not say out loud or maybe it's in the melody to make the listener feel the emotion they want to convey.

The job of the singer is to give life to the song. Give it meaning. Give it soul.

Some singers don't do that and sadly, some songwriters write for the money and not for the music. They write because they are paid to do so not because it's what they want to share with the world. It's the same with singers who sing songs just because it is what's expected from them.

I have no respect for singers like that. Some singers belt out songs just because it is within their vocal range or they are trying to fit in with the latest trend but their voices, high and loud as they may sound, are empty. They don't know how to feel the song. They don't know how to capture the emotion that was infused with the lyrics and the melody of the song.

Personally, I would move that these singers be stoned to death but social convention dictates that, that would be wrong.

I won't name names because my perception of things are slightly different from most people. That being said, I am not generalizing all singers. There are some who can belt but still give justice to the song but unfortunately there are some who don't. When I see these singers perform on stage (and some of them can barely hold a tune), I ask myself what their fans see in them for them to be loved so much when in fact there are people who are 10 times more talented than them whose talents are ignored because they would not bow down to social construct.

When the time comes that all our timeless diva's are gone, what will happen to the music industry? Will we be left with nothing but electronic dance music and autotune or will there be those who will rise to be the new divas of that generation?

My Funny & Crazy Valentine

When Gregory saw what I prepared for him, he was speechless. He was in shock.

“I could never pull off something like this for you.”

“I feel unworthy.”

“The most I do is pay for dinner when we go out.”

These were words I heard from him. But I kept telling him that it’s fine. He didn’t need to do anything like that for me. I have simple joys. When he bought me a sansrival cake, my favorite cake, I was very happy. He bought one from some overpriced cake shop and I told him he didn’t need to do that. A sansrival from Goldilocks was already more than enough for me.

I am not that expressive when it comes to showing gratitude and I’ve already told him that before. Just because I don’t say thank you for the things he does, it does not mean I’m not grateful for them. Just because I don’t tell him everyday how good-looking he is, it doesn’t mean I find him less attractive. 

When I make fun of his cooking skills or his first-world problems that I lovingly refer to as “Alta Problems”, it doesn’t mean I am belittling or mocking him. It is my way of making lambing. 

When I tell him that the goblins in his head are running around because of his obsessive-compulsive personality, it's my way of showing him that his quirks make me smile and that they're part of the reason why I fell in love with him.

When I tell him to stop controlling what I wear or the food I eat, it doesn't mean I'm upset. I'm happy that he wants to help me improve my lifestyle.

When I tell him to stop nagging me when he asks me to lessen my junk food and processed food intake, it doesn't mean I get annoyed at his nagging ways. I'm happy that he wants me to live a healthier lifestyle.

And when he told me that he wanted me to lessen my smoking because he didn't want me to die early so that he could grow old with me, I knew I had found Mr. Right.

So maybe I am a basket case and have more emotional baggage than I care to admit. Maybe I am a little bit of a fixer-upper. Maybe I'm still trying to fix the pieces of my life that I left broken for so many years. 

I'm lucky I have someone who's not only willing to wait for me to fix whatever needs fixing, but he's also willing to help me pick up the pieces and fit everything back in place.

Because of that, I have all I've waited for... and I could not ask for more.

Valentines 2014

"What's the plan on Valentines day?" he asked.

"I don't know yet." I said

"Do you wanna go out or just eat in? You can cook." he suggested.

"If we eat out there will be a lot of people and I don't like big crowds of people."


Two days before Valentines day.

"What will do on Valentines day?" he asked.

"I don't know yet. Let's just decide on that day."


Valentines day came. We were texting each other.

"You wanna meet at Megamall?" he texted.

"I'm at home. I did not go to work." I replied.

"So I'll just go there straight?"

"Yes come here nalang."

"What're we gonna eat?"

"I'll cook nalang. You bring dessert."


He arrived at the house.

"I'll just go upstairs and change," I said.

After a few minutes I asked yelled for him to come up.

He saw this.

"Oh my god!" he exclaimed.

"Did you honestly think I didn't have anything planned?" I asked, smiling.

Wicked Manila 2014

Mariah and I watched Wicked on the 23rd of January. A few years ago, I promised her that if Wicked ever comes to the Philippines eh manonood kaming dalawa. By hook or by crook, manonood kami.

I told her dress up so she showed up the at CCP wearing this. Dressed to the nines ang bakla. Nagmukha akong PA niya...

...kasi I wore a shirt haha

Here is the Oz Dust Boutique where people could buy official Wicked merchandise. To be perfectly honest, they had better merch in Singapore. The didn't even have the new grey hoodie or the Grimerie. I ended up buying a poster.

Here we were waiting for Act 1 to begin. One thing I've noticed, if it's an international production, the ushers aren't very strict when it comes to taking pictures before the show starts. Of course, when the lights are turned off and the curtains rise, then the ushers make sure that cameras and phones are tucked away.

Pag local production and you're already seated, even if the show hasn't started yet, the ushers are breathing down your neck. Super strict to the point na akala mo ipipirate ng mga patrons ang show. I can't blame them but they should teach their ushers to be more polite.

And here is the stage. It's as beautiful as I remember it.

The show was amazing and Mariah said she enjoyed it. The whole time I was in disbelief that I was watching Wicked again. I am so happy they brought the tour here. I'm watching the show 2 more times. Yes, fanboy eh.

Hitched!

Darnell, who has been my bestfriend for almost a decade now, decided to marry his girlfriend of seven years, Marj.

They were my housemates when I still lived in Baguio.

The wedding was on the 26th of January and of course I had to be there kahit na hindi ako ang best man. Water under the bridge.

So there we were sa Frangeli House kung saan gaganapin ang kasal ng bayan. Eto ang gown ng bride. All those beads were apparently hand-sewn.

At habang naliligo si Marj, pinaglaruan namin ni Darnell ang mga props para sa photobooth.

So this was my outfit during the wedding. I had to keep the coat open because I couldn't close it anymore nang hindi nagmumukhang suman. #FatPersonProblems

For the first time, I used a pocket square (picked out by Lyve) and a pair of cufflinks for my shirt. In fairness, I look fierce. Walang kokontra!

Ayan, my VST & Co. shades.

Here are they are approaching the pastor :')

I was so happy that we weren't required to wear leather shoes. I hate wearing them. Kaya I wore my Jeremy Scott knockoffs.

And here is the blushing bride. Hindi naman halata ang saya niya ano?

The highlight of the ceremony was nung lumabas na ang bride. Luckily, someone managed to take a video of it.

Post by Yan-yan Gervero.

I don't know how to properly embed a video from FB so ayan.

It was an amazing ceremony and I am so happy that I was able to be part of it. I wish them a lifetime of happiness and to have a fun-filled and fulfilling marriage :)

Yoobao Powerbank 15600mAh YB665 Review

 The Yoobao 15600mAh powerbank comes in a pull-out box roughly the size of a small hardbound book. Here's the product description:

Have you ever missed a phone call, lost a game on your mobile phone, or haven’t completed watching a movie on your tablet because you run out of battery? Worry no more. Introducing the new portable charger - the Yoobao Power Bank. With a whopping 15,600mAh capacity, it is designed to recharge your gadgets while on- the-go. Package with eight switched connectors, you can power and recharge your iPhone, iPad, ipod, Samsung, Nokia, HTC, Blackberry, and other mobile devices anywhere. The five LED indicators show the current capacity of the Power Bank. 

The YooBao YB665 powerbank comes with a micro USB cable and 5 adapters for different gadgets. You get a Nokia charging pin, a mini USB adapter, an iPod/iPad 30-pin adapter, a PSP adapter and for some reason, a micro USB adapter.

The powerbank itself is a bit on the hefty side and has a black glossy finish. Very prone to fingerprint smudges but the unit feels solid to the touch. You can probably swing it at someone and it'll knock them out cold.

It has 5 LED indicators to show you how much juice is left inside and it comes with an LED bulb you can use as a flashlight. I don't really know why that's there.

It comes with 2 ports so you can recharge 2 gadgets at the same time. When facing upward, the port on the left is for phones and the one on the right is for tablets (this is according to the manual) but I tried to swap my gadgets and they seem to recharge just fine.

Charging the powerbank takes about 8 hours. I haven't fully tested how many times it can recharge my gadgets so I'll update this post when I do.

The charging adapters work fine although I had a hard time plugging in the iPad adapter so I used my iPad's cable instead. The micro USB adapter works fine too, I was able to charge my Blackberry and Note 2. I was happy that it came with a PSP adapter and it worked on my unit.

Pro's:

• USB and adapter are of good quality.
• Recharges 2 gadgets at a time.
• Holds a lot of juice.
• Powerbank feels solidly builty

Con's:

• Adapters need force to fit in the cable.
• Powerbank is prone to fingerprint smudges.
• Heavy. The thing feels solidly built but is heavy.

Overall, it's a good device. Very useful specially for long trips.

Late Christmas Gift from Gregory

Last year, Gregory gave me an Ozaki iPad case for Chistmas. This year, he gave me a Yoobao 15600mAh Powerbank and Kristin Chenoweth's book which I have been looking for for ages.

Gregory owns an iPhone 5 and he is very particular with cases. He likes boring classic designs. So my Christmas gift to him was one of those ridiculously over-priced iPhone book-type cases from the Apple Store. He said he liked it.

Over Christmas break, he kept telling me that his gift for me would be late. He said it wasn't finished yet. Apparently, he ordered the powerbank online and the book came from Fully Booked in Davao. Hangsweeeet! The powerbank had a note attached to it which basically said he loved me and he wanted to give me something I would use.

I was so happy. For some time now I've been meaning to buy a powerbank but never got around to getting one. Now I have one. And the book, I love the book! Anotjher addition to my growing collection of memoirs :3

Thank you for the gift, baby. Love you!

Unfotunate Incident

I had the worst of luck yesterday. I was on my way home yesterday when I decided to drop by the ATM to withdraw money that I will use this week and for my trip this coming weekend. Pagdating ko sa ATM machine, ang haba ng pila so I stood in line for about 10 minutes. Finally it was my turn.

I put in the amount I needed to get. I looked behind me and saw that the line was still long. Nung nilabas ng ATM yung card ko, nilagay ko agad sa loob ng bag. I waited for a few more seconds. Nilabas naman yung pera ko.

Seeing how long the line was, I folded the money and put it in my pocket thinking that I would just fix it in my wallet later on.

I walked around until I forgot na nasa bulsa ko pa pala yung pera. When I remembered that I should put my money in my wallet which was inside my bag, kinapa ko yung bulsa ko.

The money wasn't there anymore.

"Oh shit!", I said.

I turned my pockets inside out. I took out everything inside my bag. The money wasn't there. I tried to re-trace my steps. Nothing.

Needless to say, I was in shock the whole trip home. I've lost money before but not this much and not in this way.

Oh well, there's no point in harping over it. I'll just count my losses.

My Unhealthy Obsession With Wicked

Any long-time reader or friend of mine would know that I have this unhealthy and somewhat ridiculous obsession with the musical, Wicked.

So imagine what I felt when I found out that the rumours about Wicked coming to the Philippines were actually true. The joy I felt was unparalleled. I was through the roof with excitement. I told myself that I had - had - to watch it more than once because for a fanboy like me, watching it once is completely unforgivable.

As of the moment, I have booked 3 tickets. The first is for January 23 and I will be watching with my friend Mariah. The second is for Feb 15 with Gregory. I wanted to watch it on valentines day but considering the show is at 7:30pm and traffic that day will be a bitch, we opted for the day after. Third will be on Feb 23 which is also the last performance of the show and I will be with Gregory and 2 of our friends.

I waited 8 years for this show to come to the Philippines. Yes, I watched it back in 2012 when I was Singapore and yes, it's the same cast that will be here but I still want to watch it more than once.

I remember a few years ago, watching the show seemed like a pipe dream for me. It was something that seemed impossible because at the time, the only productions were on Broadway, West End, Stuttgart (Germany), Melboure and Osaka.

Now, it's finally here.

Up to this day, I do not know why I am obsessed with Wicked. It has baffled many of my friends and recently, colleagues but it has also baffled me for quite some time now. I don't know but there's just something so magical and surreal about the show that gives me comfort and a sense of tranquility.

Do I see myself in the character of Elphaba, an outcast. Someone who has been on the outside looking in. Feared, judged, hated for the wrong reasons. Maybe. Maybe not. I don't know. It may sound ludicrous, me spending that much money for a show I could watch once but that's not how I see it from my own point of view. I see it as the fulfilment to a wish I had many years ago.

I have read all the books and have watched bootleg copies of the show more times than I care to admit but I never get tired of the show. From the moment the curtains rise and the music starts playing, I get transported to the wonderful land of OZ and for 2 and a half hours, I manage to escape from everything. It's quite the rush, if I'm being honest.

Once I asked myself, what if the day comes that I get over my crazy obsession with Wicked. It's been 5 years since I asked myself that. I'll probably look for another show but I know that a part of me will always love Wicked. Listen to me, I sound like a crazy person.

But like I said, there's just something so magical about the whole thing. The music, the story, the characters. Pure bliss.

So I've booked for 3 shows. Who knows, maybe it'll become 4. We'll see.