tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-62001175812691241142024-03-14T16:03:09.190+08:00Adams PlanetAdamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17623035970299656382noreply@blogger.comBlogger800125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6200117581269124114.post-87967609678770143952017-04-22T19:08:00.001+08:002017-09-26T10:52:28.012+08:00STORYTIME: The Future Lawyer – Part II<div style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-top: 6px;">
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-RFRO1N6GDM8/WcnA4HJgEtI/AAAAAAAAH50/O66O7Wz18dsiohG-jXg_WU0zlDxZ3PhkQCLcBGAs/s1600/art-broken-explosion-glass.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1026" data-original-width="1600" height="256" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-RFRO1N6GDM8/WcnA4HJgEtI/AAAAAAAAH50/O66O7Wz18dsiohG-jXg_WU0zlDxZ3PhkQCLcBGAs/s400/art-broken-explosion-glass.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br />
“Tell me again why you two can’t be together?” asked my friend while she looked at me, one eyebrow raised as she took a puff from her cigarette.</div>
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“I..” I started, “I don’t know. The truth is, we go well together but I don’t think he’s ready or he wants it as much as I do. I mean, after I broke up with my last ex, he had every chance to start something with me. To pick up where we left off. Considering how much time we spent together, the topic never came up. But then again, neither one of us brought it up.”</div>
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“Maybe he was waiting,” she said.</div>
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“Maybe. I don’t know… or maybe there really was nothing left from before.”</div>
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“So tell me what happened the other day,” she asked.</div>
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I started telling her the story of how he called me up at around dinner time but I missed his call and only got back to him a few hours later.</div>
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“You called?” I texted him.</div>
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“Yeah. You didn’t pick up. Where are you?” was his reply.</div>
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“I was having dinner. I’m home why?”</div>
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“You wanna hang out?”</div>
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“Now? Uhhm… sure why not. I can only stay out for an hour though.”</div>
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“Okay wait I’ll get ready.”</div>
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“Actually you know what, it’s almost 2am and you take forever. I’m free tomorrow night if you want.”</div>
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He replied and told me that he was ready and asked me to meet him at the gas station near his place.</div>
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I thought about it for a minute and replied, “Okay fine. I’m on my way. I need to gas up anyway.”</div>
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I took my keys and drove to the gas station and there he was standing at the side. He was wearing a wife beater and those ridiculously short shorts he insists on wearing. I refer to them as his booty shorts, a term he eventually embraced.</div>
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He got in my car and I knew immediately where to go. It was the place he once said “would always be our place”. It’s where we always go because it’s close to our neighborhood and it’s open 24 hours.</div>
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We got settled in and he went to get a drink. I lit a cigarette.<br />
“So what’s new?” he asked.</div>
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I told him about this thing that’s been upsetting me the past few days. He listened.</div>
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I pulled another cigarette from my pack but before I could light it, he grabbed my wrist and said, “Stop it! Are you trying to kill yourself?!”</div>
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I pulled away and smiled. I lit the cigarette.</div>
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"Oh, Happy Anniversary!" he said.</div>
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I gave him a questioning look.</div>
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"It's been a year," he said.</div>
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"Oh right. It's been a year since you disappeared for two months without so much as a goodbye," I answered with a smile.</div>
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"Actually, our anniversary was after I disappeared for two months," he said with a sheepish smile.</div>
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We started talking about the most mundane of things. It’s what we do when we hang out. We could keep talking the whole night and just get lost in the moment. We’d share the most trivial of stories and all we needed were a pack of cigarettes and something to drink. There are times when we’d realize that we’ve been talking for hours and the sun will be up in an hour.</div>
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Midway through whatever we were talking about, he stopped and looked at me.</div>
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“Stop looking so sad,” he suddenly said.</div>
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“I’m not sad. I have work later and I had work earlier. I’m just tired.”</div>
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“No. I can see it in your eyes. I can see how sad you are,” was his response.</div>
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I didn't answer.</div>
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About 30 minutes later, I called it a night and said we should get going. While in the car, we were listening to music. He played True Colors and said that was his song for me. We were both quiet the rest of the ride.</div>
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A few blocks away from his house, I broke the silence.</div>
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“Hey, remember a few weeks ago when you didn’t hear from me for a while?” I asked.</div>
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“Yeah?”</div>
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“You wanna know why I did that?”</div>
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“No. Wait... yes. I wanna know,” he replied.</div>
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“Is your default reply to everything ‘No’?” I asked with a laugh. “It’s because I wanted you to miss me.”</div>
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That’s the answer I gave him. But it was only half true. You see, there was a time when I stopped replying to his texts and stopped picking up the phone because at that time I felt like he only called me when he was bored. I felt like I was his back up when none of his other friends wanted to deal with him. So it’s true that I wanted him to miss me but I also wanted to feel like I meant something to him.</div>
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“So did it work? Your plan?” he asked.</div>
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“I don’t know. We don’t talk about things like that remember?” I replied.</div>
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“Yeah. Why should we?”</div>
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I pulled up a block away from the gate he takes to get to their place. Now whenever I drive him home, he gives me a hug before he gets out of the car.</div>
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He leaned in as he always does. But this time it wasn’t for a hug. Before I knew it, I felt his lips on mine.</div>
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What lasted for a few seconds felt much longer. He pulled away and got out of my card before I could say anything. I looked at my rear view mirror and there he was running towards the direction of his house.</div>
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I drove off.</div>
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A few minutes later, I heard my phone beep. I knew it was him.</div>
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“I’ll just read it when I get home,” I told myself.</div>
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“Sorry. I don’t know why I did that. I’m sorry,” his text read.</div>
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“It’s fine. You were probably just trying to cheer me up,” I replied.</div>
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“Right,” was his only reply.</div>
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I barely slept that night. There were dozens of questions running through my head. Why did he do that? Did it mean something? Were we just caught in some weird moment?<br />
In my sleepless state, I managed to drag myself to work that day. When I got to work I tried calling him. No answer. I told myself that he was probably still asleep.</div>
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No texts from him the whole day.</div>
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I tried calling again at around 7:00p. No answer.</div>
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The next day, I tried calling him at around noon. I also sent a few texts. He still wasn’t picking up or replying. I knew something was up. I knew that he’d be at church later in the evening so I figured I’d drop by and talk to him to clear things. If that kiss didn’t mean anything, then we can just forget about it and put it behind us.</div>
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I ended up waiting for two and half hours before he finally came out of church. He was with a bunch of people. I was standing outside smoking. There he was, roughly 8 feet away from me. I texted him to let him know I was there. His phone was in his hand most of the time. He still didn’t reply.</div>
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Right then it hit me. He had no plans of talking to me. I started walking to my car.</div>
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On the drive home, there was only one thing running through my head. I can’t believe he did this to me. Again.</div>
Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17623035970299656382noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6200117581269124114.post-14858345628357629662017-04-11T02:37:00.003+08:002017-04-11T02:37:26.423+08:00The Letter I Sent Matt in 2015<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-5cjqrb9Htkg/WOvQNphBmOI/AAAAAAAAH24/xr1sjIj9WOQmzy8d9QCoFrsHJg_xNzfIQCLcB/s1600/large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="286" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-5cjqrb9Htkg/WOvQNphBmOI/AAAAAAAAH24/xr1sjIj9WOQmzy8d9QCoFrsHJg_xNzfIQCLcB/s400/large.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Dear You,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #111111; margin-bottom: 1.8em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">When I first met you, we hit it off. We clicked. Over time, I developed feelings for you, feelings I made you aware of. You made it clear what you felt about me, you called it my edge, but you were also clear in saying that you and I could never be because we both want different things.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #111111; margin-bottom: 1.8em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">But that never stopped me from loving you. This love, however, ate me from the inside. I could never love anyone else wholly because a huge part of me loved you. I was and still am miserable because of that.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #111111; margin-bottom: 1.8em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Love, that one word that means caring about someone beyond all rationality and wanting them to have everything they want no matter how much it destroys you. Even when people roll their eyes at you and think you’re crazy, it doesn’t stop you from loving that person. The thing is, I love everything about you. I truly do. From your brown eyes, to your sharp wit that you use to make jokes at my expense. When you smile from ear to ear, it makes my heart melt and wish that I never do anything to wipe that smile off your face.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #111111; margin-bottom: 1.8em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Everytime I look at you, it hurts. I die a little inside every single time because I am reminded that I could never be with you. You never even gave me a chance to love you. You didn’t give me enough time to show you that I can make you happy. That I was what you needed.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #111111; margin-bottom: 1.8em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I kept this blog as a way to remind myself why I shouldn’t love you. It was my secret journal. <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Mababaliw na kasi ako dahil wala akong mapagsabihan ng mga nararamdaman ko</em>.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #111111; margin-bottom: 1.8em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">You have a hold on my heart that I could not break even if I wanted to and there have been times that I wanted to. It’s overwhelming and painful at times but I could not stop loving you more that I could stop breathing. I am hopelessly and irretrievably in love with you.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #111111; margin-bottom: 1.8em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Hindi ka naman kasi mahirap mahalin</em>. I know you can be sweet. I know you can be caring once you put down those walls you’ve worked so hard to build around yourself. I’ve seen it. I’ve felt a part of it. Which is what makes me so certain. So I know, from first-hand experience, <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">na hindi ka mahirap mahalin. Pero ang sakit sakit mong mahalin</em>.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #111111; margin-bottom: 1.8em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Not talking to you, not seeing you… it helped. Quitting you cold turkey was all I needed but it wasn’t easy by any means. There were days when I wanted to talk to you. There were days when I wanted to see you. But I knew it wouldn’t happen. For days on end I would keep telling myself that you’re gonna call me or message me. But that never happened.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #111111; margin-bottom: 1.8em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Took me several years but I finally accept the fact that you and I will never together. There will never be an ‘us’. Not even as friends. I see how you treat your friends and I would never be part of that. You would never give me that courtesy. You’re there when they need you. You find time for them. I have to beg you for 10 minutes of your time. Pathetic, I know<em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> pero kasalanan ko naman eh</em>. I fell in love with you <em style="border: 0px; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">kahit na sinabihan mo na ako noon na huwag kong gagawin yun. Pero wala, minahal kita</em> and I don’t think that’s ever going to change. But I have to stop at some point and move on with my life free of you.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #111111; margin-bottom: 1.8em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Maybe one day I’ll get over you. I hope I do. But I know that I will forever look back at what could have been. This is why I have to cut myself from you because I don’t know how much more of it I can handle. Let me waddle in the pool of my own misery. I put myself in it to begin with. Time may heal whatever wounds I have inside but the scars will always be there.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #111111; margin-bottom: 1.8em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I wish you find that which your heart desires. Like what I always say, I know you’ll do great in whatever it is you choose to do. You may not hear from me, you may not see me but I will silently cheer for your victories and continue loving you from a distance.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">We had chemistry. Timing is all we needed. Sucks for me, I feel in love with the right person at the wrong time. Timing is a bitch.</span></div>
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Love,</div>
<div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #111111; margin-bottom: 1.8em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
Adam</div>
Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17623035970299656382noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6200117581269124114.post-86315041135983257702017-02-11T21:56:00.001+08:002018-02-14T11:38:22.518+08:00Paano Mag Move On?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i>"Paano ka mag move on? Paano mo alam na okay ka na?"</i><br />
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Yan ang madalas na tinatanong sa akin ng mga kaibigan ko. They know how I handle breakups. Dalawa lang kasi yan eh. It's either magdradrama ako to the highest level, which means matagal bago ako makapagmove on, or maihi lang ako at okay na ako ulit. O diba? Walang grey area.<br />
<br />
Ganun talaga eh, there are some people na mas matimbang (in a way) kaya mas masakit pag nawala sila. But the million dollar question is, paano nga ba mag move on? Magbibigay ako ng example based from my own personal heartbreak(s).<br />
<br />
Sa lahat ng mga minahal ko noon (oh my God, how cliche), dalawa lang ang iniyakan at drinamahan ko ng severe. Yung eksenang may walling, may paghatak sa mga kurtina, yung tipong umiiyak ka habang sinisigaw ang <i>"Ayoko na! Ang sakit sakit naaaaa!"</i>. It was my first boyfriend, who we will call Phil, and si Matt. Sila lang talaga ang nakapagpalabas ng soap opera moment ko. So far :).<br />
<br />
Si Phil, tatlong buwan na araw araw akong umiiyak. Yung tipong naglalakad ako sa school tapos maaalala ko siya tapos marerealize ko na tumutulo na pala ang luha ko kaya tatakbo ako papuntang CR at magkukulong sa cubicle habang tahimik na umiiyak. Of course, may kasamang walling ito kung malinis yung CR. Siguro nasa mga 4 years bago ako tuluyang nakamove on. True story.<br />
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Si Matt naman, walang masyadong iyakan na naganap. Pero everytime na umiyak ako, masakit. May halong kirot. Minahal ko siya ng bongga eh. Ewan ko ba kung bakit, hindi naman naging kami. Hindi kasi pwedeng maging kami dahil may sagabal sa kaligayahan. Pero wala, minahal ko yung kumag na yun eh. Sa kanya naman, mga 3 years bago ako nakamove on. O diba ang tatagal? Pero paano ko nga ba narealize na nakamove on na ako?<br />
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I knew someone who was once in the same boat as I was. Ang dakilang writer at idol ko na si Bookie. I asked him how to get over Matt. His advice didn't make much sense at that time but eventually it did. Ang sabi niya, 'just ride the emotions. All you need is time.' I understood where he was coming from but I just couldn't see how time would make things better.<br />
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But now I can say that he was right. Time is all you need. It's what we all need. Some people choose to distract themselves or create crutches rather than facing the reality that they will have to move on at some point. Instead na hintayin na magsubside ang feelings, pipiliin nilang ikain ang feelings nila or idate at ikama lahat ng lumapit sa kanila. I know because I tried that. I've been there.<br />
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Eventually, I decided to just ride the waves of whatever emotion I was feeling and one day I realized na okay na ako. Seryoso.<br />
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Totoo pala talaga yang time heals all wounds keme na yan.<br />
<br />
So ngayong panahon ng mga puso, I know maraming tulad ko na single dyan. Yung iba happy, yung iba trying to be happy, yung iba bitter, yung iba wapakels. Pero meron din kasi yung mga umaasa pa. Ang masasabi ko lang, kung sa tingin mo kaya pa, sige kapit ka pa ng konti pero dapat alam mo rin pag oras nang bumitiw. Sabi nga ni Inang Elsa, Let It Go.<br />
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Hindi ka makakapagmove on kung hindi mo hahayaan ang sarili mo na mag move on. You cannot keep clinging onto the past. Hindi mo ikakaganda ang pagiging martyr. Hindi ka papatayuan ng rebulto just because you choose to keep waiting for something that may never happen. Haggard, bes.<br />
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Mahirap mag move on, oo totoo yan. Pero kaya mo yan. I believe in you. Give yourself time kasi yang sakit at hinagpis na pinagdadaanan mo ngayon, may expiration date yan. Parang yung lata ng spam na nasa kusina na ayaw mong buksan kasi namamahalan ka and para lang dapat sa special occasion. Mageexpire yan. I swear. Mamatay man yung kapitbahay ko. Hintay hintay ka lang dyan.<br />
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One day you'll wake up and realize na okay ka na. Ganern.<br />
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Happy Valentines day to all of you.<br />
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Love,<br />
AdamAdamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17623035970299656382noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6200117581269124114.post-85137480484476338802016-12-15T15:30:00.002+08:002016-12-15T15:30:26.846+08:00How Do I Unlove You?How do I unlove you?<br />
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That’s a question I’ve asked myself many times. You were the one that got away and yet I still love you. I try my best not to say it out loud but keeping something like that bottled up inside can only go on for so long.<br />
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How do I unlove you?<br />
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It’s a question many people have asked themselves. The problem with love is that you can’t control it. The mind battles what the heart feels. Your mind can take over and you can convince yourself over and over again but there will always be that part of you, that voice telling you to do the opposite. Some people are lucky enough to be able to tune it out.<br />
<br />
How do I unlove you?<br />
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In theory it should be easy. But it’s hard since I still see and talk to you every now and then. I tried avoiding you. I thought not seeing you would make me forget you but instead, it made me miss you. Seeing you with the dorky smile that complements your boyish charm makes my heart melt. But then I have to restrain myself. I have to grin and bare it while asking myself the same question again.<br />
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How do I unlove you?<br />
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My will is strong but my heart tries to pound loud enough to be heard. To be considered. To be vulnerable. In that moment of vulnerability, I think of you and what we could have been. But I’m not stupid enough to think that we would ever be together. What we had, fleeting as it was, was special and something I fondly look back on. I love you, that much is true, but it does not mean that I want to be with you. Just because I miss you does not mean that I want you back in my life. It’s just a part, a phase I have to go through to move on. Which is why I still keep asking myself, “<b>how do I unlove you?</b>”<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i><b>Adam's Note:</b> I wrote this a few years ago for Matt when I was still in love with him. My feelings for him are long gone. I just thought it would be fun to post this for the benefit of those asking themselves how to unlove someone.</i></span>Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17623035970299656382noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6200117581269124114.post-48999104514104179412016-11-04T14:42:00.001+08:002016-11-04T14:42:19.468+08:00Why I (Kinda) Stopped Blogging<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I remember a time when I would have 2 -3 posts a day. I remember when I had people reaching out to me to review their shit or ask for advice. Those days are long gone. Even my readers are gone, my blog and my musings are now a thing of the past for them and I'm not sure if they even remember reading the stuff I wrote.<br />
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I have myself to blame, really. I started posting everything online, my life became an open book to everyone who took the time to read it. Eventually, I wanted to be more private about my life and my relationships. The posts lessened from once a day to once a week until it back one post per month and eventually it dwindled to a couple of posts per year.<br />
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My fellow bloggers have also left the blogosphere, some of who I'm still connected with through social media. These bloggers who kept their anonymity now post photos of themselves out in the open because their blogs have ceased to exist. Their stories gone and with that their need to hide. The blogoshpere wasn't what is was when I, when we, were at our peak. Sure, there are those who managed to keep going but their posts have also declined. I won't be surprised if in a few years their own blogs would be gone. <br />
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But a part of me still yearns for it, a part of me misses the online world which is why I created my youtube channel. But it's not as easy as blogging. It entails more work on my part.<br />
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I stopped blogging because I lost my muse. I lost that spark in me that made me want to write and share everything about me. Many times I've tried to write. Many times I've tried to post and God know I have dozens of unfinished drafts in this blog. I do miss blogging, but I can't commit myself to do it the way I used to.<br />
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Maybe one day, someday, I'll be able to do it all over again...Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17623035970299656382noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6200117581269124114.post-62379490571574788242016-10-13T01:28:00.001+08:002016-10-13T01:28:41.321+08:00National Coming Out Month | Being Gay at Work<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/8_WGUZAzdfQ" width="480"></iframe>Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17623035970299656382noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6200117581269124114.post-63064329808754988062016-04-17T03:36:00.001+08:002016-04-17T03:36:55.304+08:00Doctor Strange Trailer Reaction VideoCheck out my latest Youtube video! Click subscribe for more videos :D<br />
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-Adam<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="344" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/O1rkunLKAC4" width="459"></iframe>Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17623035970299656382noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6200117581269124114.post-59466505823055125402016-03-10T04:22:00.000+08:002016-03-10T04:25:09.316+08:00Where The Voices DwellIt's been a long time since I posted something here that isn't a video. It feels like a lifetime, to be honest.<br />
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The past few months have not been easy. There are so many things I've had to go through and I decided not to make any of them public. There was a time when I would write everything here. Every single thought, every single achievement... even my failures. But alas, those days are far behind me. Blogging my daily musings is behind me.<br />
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There are days when I don't even have the energy to get out of bed but I force myself to because a part of my believes that life isn't so bad and there are things worth getting out of bed for. I've become accustomed to fending for myself because I know that out there, in the real world, I have no one to count on but myself. I don't want to be a burden to the people around me so I try my best to do things on my own. I often keep everyone at arm's length because I've learned that letting people close enough would only spell heartbreak and sorrow for me. It's not something I do on purpose, it's a reflex of mine.<br />
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It's not healthiest way to deal with things, but it's the only way I know.<br />
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There are days when the voices in my head are so loud that I doubt myself and question my existence in this world. There are days when the world seems nothing but a blur and I just walk through life's highways with no idea where I'm supposed to go.<br />
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A part of me knows that it isn't so bad and there are those who have it worse than I do but sometimes, I can't help but feel like maybe I've had enough. Maybe I've been through so much that at this point that I deserve a break.<br />
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There are those around me who make life a little easier. They make me see the brighter side of things and help me get a good grip of reality when I feel myself losing touch of what's real and what's not. They're the ones who help me get out of bed every morning. They help drown out the voices that try so hard to consume my being. Half of me believes that they're the cure and can help fill the void that could swallow me whole any second. The other tells me that it's a band-aid at best.<br />
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It's a constant struggle trying to figure out what's real and what's not. Every morning, a question burns inside my head.<br />
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"Will things get better or is this the best it'll ever get?"<br />
<br />Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17623035970299656382noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6200117581269124114.post-18337818513115179632016-02-19T05:04:00.001+08:002016-02-19T05:04:49.358+08:00RuPaul's Drag Race Season 8 Official Trailer Reaction Video<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="344" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/boCi156dF3s" width="459"></iframe>Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17623035970299656382noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6200117581269124114.post-81107893143436582942016-02-05T21:55:00.001+08:002016-02-05T21:55:07.676+08:00RuPaul's Drag Race Season 8 Trailer Reaction Video<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="344" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/Y1Ku4nFXrlk" width="459"></iframe>Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17623035970299656382noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6200117581269124114.post-5655976636539278912016-01-23T14:41:00.001+08:002016-01-23T14:41:27.242+08:00Behind These WallsIt feels like it's been forever since I wrote something here. I post copies of my Youtube videos, yes, but to actually sit down and write something... it feels like a lifetime ago. Because of that, I figured, why not share a story? So here's a conversation between two people.<br />
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"Where do I begin?" he asked.<br />
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"I don't know. I can't imagine what it must be like to be in your situation," she answered.<br />
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He could see the pity in her eyes mixed with uncertainty. She looked at him the way he felt. Powerless.<br />
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"I've spent my whole life running away from these people who hurt me. I gone so far that I don't know my way back. How do you start finding the road to recovery? The road to healing? I know it begins with me but I've put up this wall to keep them away and my fear is that if I let them in, they'll just end up hurting me again. I am 50 shades of fucked up because of them."<br />
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"You can do it again, Build those walls back up if that happens," she responded.<br />
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"If only it were that easy. I've been broken so many times that I wonder how I manage to get out of bed every morning," he answered. He could feel himself welling up with tears. "Do I want to forgive them? Maybe. Am I ready to forgive them? Maybe not. Not yet. How do I forgive them when they're the reason I'm like this. I am fine where I am now, not knowing what's behind the wall."<br />
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She looked at him unsure of what to say next.<br />
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He took a deep breath.<br />
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"I love my mom, you know that. Even though she drives me up against a wall sometimes, I do love her. But sometimes I wonder, does she think of what I feel? Does she know what I have to go through everyday? The struggle I face?" he said.<br />
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"At least she accepts you for who you are," she said without a missing a beat.<br />
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"That's true and if that is the closest thing to love I'll ever get to experience, I'm fine with it. Beggars can't be choosers right?" he answered.<br />
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He hesitated for a moment trying to think of the words eh would say next. He had the thought in his head but could not find the words to express it.<br />
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"All I want is for her to realize that there is something inherently wrong with me, that I am not acting out or lashing out, that there is something wrong with me. I want her to realize that without me telling her. I want to tell her what I feel, what I've been feeling all these years. But I am certain that that's a conversation she's not ready to have. Not with me, anyway."<br />
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"Maybe someday she will," she said.<br />
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"Maybe. But for now, I'll keep the walls where they are. Let them think what they want of me but those walls are there because of them. Those walls are up so I can slowly put back the pieces of me that they broke many years ago."<br />
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<br />Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17623035970299656382noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6200117581269124114.post-86140278291720847632015-10-18T12:17:00.001+08:002015-10-18T12:17:50.684+08:00TRYING WEIRD PRINGLES FLAVORS<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/WykEQjiP_aU" width="480"></iframe><br />
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I'm back with a new vlog. I had no idea there were more than 3 flavors now. Fuck me and the third world country I live in.Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17623035970299656382noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6200117581269124114.post-65360278821791297492015-10-07T13:05:00.001+08:002015-10-07T13:05:37.221+08:00New Youtube video | BEAN BOOZLED CHALLENGE<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/tFDOZDVxJ94" width="480"></iframe><br />
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What is up my dear readers?! How y'all doing!? I don't know if you guys still visit my blog because I've been more focused on Vlogging.<br />
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Anyway, I got a new video and this was a doozy to make. Those Jelly Beans are little turd like pieces from hell.<br />
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Click on the video to watch it. If you liked the video, head on over to Youtube and give it a thumbs up. Also, don't forget to subscribe because I got new videos coming your way every Wednesday!<br />
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Okay? Okay.<br />
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Love,<br />
AdamAdamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17623035970299656382noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6200117581269124114.post-49273469176198736552015-09-03T00:51:00.001+08:002015-09-03T00:51:03.256+08:00Cheetos Mozzarella Sticks!Check out my latest video where I try to make Cheetos Mozarella Sticks a.k.a The Most Delicios Way To Die!<br />
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If you like the video, make sure to give it a thumbs up and subscribe :D<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/uLDF1Fb_KH0" width="480"></iframe><br />
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Love,<br />
AdamAdamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17623035970299656382noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6200117581269124114.post-60581711891561439832015-08-27T01:43:00.001+08:002015-08-27T01:43:09.425+08:00Coming Out Story<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/SQ9UNPni6vU" width="480"></iframe><br />
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It's been 5 years since I came out and wrote about it here. Therefore, it must be commemorated with a video XDAdamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17623035970299656382noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6200117581269124114.post-63528805153749890522015-08-20T23:03:00.001+08:002015-08-20T23:03:55.768+08:00Vlog: Office Party!<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/KPcdm5TM3Dc" width="480"></iframe>Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17623035970299656382noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6200117581269124114.post-34190052369599784142015-05-18T03:03:00.000+08:002015-05-18T10:26:44.935+08:00Why Everyone Hates The iPhone Typo Keyboard<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-aNNRCgdLf1A/VVjgy3keo4I/AAAAAAAAHPI/u2Py2RzOqps/s1600/IMG_0509.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-aNNRCgdLf1A/VVjgy3keo4I/AAAAAAAAHPI/u2Py2RzOqps/s1600/IMG_0509.JPG" /></a></div>
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I've used several Android devices even since the reign of smartphones. Heck, I even have a Nexus 5 right now as my back up phone. Wonderful as Android may be, iPhones have a place in my heart. I had the 3GS and 4 before.<br />
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Now, I have the iPhone 5S.<br />
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The thing is, because I've used Android devices which tend to be on the big side, using the iPhone's keyboard is a bitch. Yeah, you heard me. That thing is a bitch to type on.<br />
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A company named Typo released a keyboard case for the iPhone 5/5S and unlike other keyboard cases, this is a vertical case. The design resembles the Blackberry keyboard a lot. No wonder Blackberry sued Typo.<br />
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Now the keyboard has been reviewed by a lot of people and there's a lot of hate surrounding the keyboard. As someone who uses the keyboard, I think I have an idea why people give this keyboard a bad rep.<br />
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You see the thing is, yes it resembles the keyboard of a Blackberry. But I think people have forgotten that as much as it resembles the Blackberry keyboard, the Typo keyboard is no Blackberry.<br />
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The only thing it got from Blackberry is the design. That's all. If you take the thing apart, you'll notice that the keyboard itself is only a few cm thin and locked to the case. No special mechanisms whatsoever.<br />
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Do not expect the Blackberry experience on this keyboard. You will not get it. You will not get the same clicky responsive keys. You will not get the premium build of Blackberry keys.<br />
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What you're getting is no different from those generic slide-up bluetooth keyboards from Amazon. Except this one has the keyboard at the bottom and the keys look pretty.<br />
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Personally, I love this case. My only complaint is that there are some keys that need to be pressed harder than others. The keys are also spaced a bit too close to one another for my liking. Because of that, there are instances when I press the wrong key.<br />
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I also like that it gives the iPhone some heft. It feels good in the hand because I find the iPhone 5S to be very light.<br />
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I might end up buying a new phone soon. Im choosing between an iPhone 6 or one of those Samsung Galaxy phones. I'll figure it out soon.<br />
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So to everyone who aren't sure whether they should get this keyboard, I would like to say don't knock it until you've tried it. Know what you're getting yourself into.<br />
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Besides, if you really want the Blackberry keyboard experience... buy a Blackberry. They could use some sales haha.<br />
<br />Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17623035970299656382noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6200117581269124114.post-88927097748260784902015-05-18T02:26:00.000+08:002016-11-26T15:14:19.425+08:00The Battlefield That Is Youtube<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
As some of you may or may not know, I started vlogging on <a href="https://www.youtube.com/antonfabico" target="_blank">my Youtube channel</a>.<br />
<br />
Before that, my channel was mostly a wasteland of all my videos. I've been planning for quite some time now, the whole vlogging thing.<br />
<br />
I found the courage to do it so I shot and uploaded <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tHm4nAMQ9lU" target="_blank">my first video</a>.<br />
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There are several Youtubers I follow religiously. There's Caspar Lee, Thatcher Joe, Miles Jai, Connor Franta, Tyler Oakley, Marcus Butler, Diary of Jake, PatrickStar, Jacksgap, and more.<br />
<br />
Before I even shot my first video, I watched the videos of my favorite Youtubers. I studied their formula. The way they edited their videos, the type of background music, the type of content. I paid close attention to every single detail as much as I could. When I started vlogging, I tried my best to follow whatever formula they were using for their Youtube videos and I tried to apply it to mine.<br />
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After that, I realised the whole Youtube thing was more complicated than it seemed. It wasn't as easy as uploading a video and calling it a day.<br />
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I wasn't getting any views (I still barely get any views). It was then I figured out that I had to make a conscious effort and use every single social media tool I had at my disposal.<br />
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I became more active on <a href="https://twitter.com/afabico" target="_blank">Twitter</a> and <a href="https://instagram.com/adamsplanet/" target="_blank">Instagram</a>. I even signed up for <a href="http://antonfabico.tumblr.com/" target="_blank">Tumblr</a> (which I am still trying to understand btw). I started following people and most of them followed me back. It's not easy, to be perfectly honest but I keep telling myself that the Youtubers I admire all had to start somewhere. I'm sure they felt the same way I feel now.<br />
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It's not easy, I tell ya. I have to message every single new follower and introduce myself and give them a link to my channel. Some respond well, some don't and some just ignore me. It's an uphill slope, but I won't lose hope. Ha!<br />
<br />
Right now I'm not getting the many views. Probably because I only have 5 videos at the moment :D<br />
<br />
But eventually I'll get there.<br />
<br />
So to you, my dear readers, please check out <a href="https://www.youtube.com/antonfabico" target="_blank">my Youtube channel</a>. Show this homo some love, will ya? Give my videos a thumbs up if you like them and subscribe to my channel.<br />
<br />
Love,<br />
Adam<br />
<br />Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17623035970299656382noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6200117581269124114.post-88331075600045593012015-04-19T03:01:00.000+08:002015-04-19T03:01:06.499+08:00My YouTube Channel<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/tHm4nAMQ9lU" width="560"></iframe><br />
<br />
So I've decided to fix my YouTube page and post vlogs. I figured it would be easier for me to just take random videos of my daily life and upload them online. It's no different from what I do here in my blog. Just less writing and more candidness (not sure if that's an actual word).<br />
<br />
I will post the videos here and of course I'll still blog every now and then. If any of you, my dear readers, are still out there and drop by every now and then, it would be a big help if you can check out my videos.<br />
<br />
If you like the shit I post, please subscribe and give the video a thumbs up.<br />
<br />
I have a bunch of videos coming up where I'm as crazy as I usually am. I also plan to collaborate with a few people so I hope that goes well.<br />
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For now, it's late and I need some sleep because I still have work in the morning.<br />
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Love,<br />
Adam :3Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17623035970299656382noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6200117581269124114.post-20600529401601244502015-04-15T00:43:00.000+08:002015-04-15T00:45:05.585+08:00Under Construction<br />
UPDATE (April 15)<br />
<br />
Almost done. The little annoying things are almost gone! I would to thank my friend Roger for helping me iron out some of the crap I didn't like.<br />
<br />
Check out his portfolio at <a href="http://rogerdecastro.tk/" target="_blank"><b><span style="color: blue;">RogerDeCastro.tk</span></b></a><span id="goog_836580396"></span><span id="goog_836580397"></span><a href="https://www.blogger.com/"></a>.<br />
<br />
He's a programmer of sorts. I'm not sure. He builds websites. That's the best way I can describe it.<br />
<br />
So uhhhmmm... if you like the design of my blog and you need help, hire him :D<br />
<br />
******<br />
<br />
UPDATE (April 14):<br />
<br />
I'm almost done with fixing the blog. It took a lot of effort considering I'm not a master at coding shit. Thank heavens I found the perfect template from <a href="http://gooyaabitemplates.com/" target="_blank"><b><span style="color: blue;">GooyabiTemplates</span></b></a> and just worked my way from there to make it more 'me'. I'm gonna say I'm 80% done.<br />
<br />
What do you guys think? Let me know in the comments section.<br />
<br />
<br />
******<br />
<br />
Hello my wonderful readers (or the handful that's left of you) *sad face*!<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
As you can see, my blog is currently undergoing a few changes. After almost 2 years I decided to update the design. With that comes the hassle of things not working and the whole site looking like shit.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
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Effort ito! But I am glad that I have a really good friend helping me out with the creatives and all. </div>
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<br /></div>
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Soon the whole site will be functional but for now, it's under construction.</div>
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<br /></div>
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xoxo</div>
<div>
Adam</div>
Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17623035970299656382noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6200117581269124114.post-38257188732511207292015-04-14T18:03:00.002+08:002015-04-14T18:04:14.988+08:00The Power of Drag Race<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
Let me take a break from fixing the blog (which still looks like shit tbh) because I have a story to share.<br />
<br />
So I am one of the biggest fans of RuPaul's Drag Race. There's just something about the show I find addicting. Now, I don't know if all Drag Race fans in the country knows this but Alyssa Edwards is in Manila and she will be performing in O-Bar for one night. That's tomorrow.<br />
<br />
Of course I have to watch. The queen is here! I took a 2-day leave from work to watch her because I need one day to get ready and haul my ass to O-Bar and another day to recover from the night before because any Alyssa fan would know damn well that it'll be a night of tomfoolery.<br />
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With me will be Gregory and his bestfriend. Another person who'll watch with us is one of my friends, let's call him Khan.<br />
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Khan is one of my closest friends and he's also a Drag Race fan. A few days ago, Khan twisted his ankle so it's swollen and all. I told him that because of his foot, he might not be able to watch the show with us anymore.<br />
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He got up and walked that shit off.<br />
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That, ladies and gentlemen who like gentlemen, is the power of drag race.<br />
<br />
Oh and here's the best part, Khan is straight. He's straight as they come but is a true Drag Race fan. Like seeing a unicorn, it's un-fucking-believable.Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17623035970299656382noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6200117581269124114.post-31076621710156618642015-04-10T00:10:00.001+08:002015-04-10T00:10:20.460+08:00I Have A Car!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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The title says it all. I have a car now!<br />
<br />
Na-convince ko kasi si mudra na ibigay sa akin ang luma niyang car since may bago siyang CRV. Mind you, this isn't free, not technically. I have to pay her a certain amount but considering the car, it was a steal.<br />
<br />
I haven't really drove anything since my <a href="http://adamsplanet.blogspot.com/2010/03/why-ive-been-gone-for-so-long.html" target="_blank">accident back in 2010</a> so medyo nanibago ako. The thing is, I never fully anticipated the expense that comes with owning a car.<br />
<br />
Gas prices are ridiculously expensive. Ngayon ko naiintindihan kung bakit deal at national news pag nag rollback ng presyo ang gasolina. Pati parking fee, napakamahal. I pay 150php everyday for parking in Eton Centris. It's a ripoff considering the parking isn't covered or secured.<br />
<br />
Maintenance (which I haven't had to deal with so far) is also pricey, I hear. I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. But for now, I want to revel in the fact that I no longer have to ride the MRT (which gets worse as the days go by) or any form of public transportation except for days when I'm not in the mood to drive.<br />
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I've had the car for about a month now and I'm comfortable driving around the city now. Pero ang totoong test of courage ng pagmamaneho ay ang pagpunta sa Divisoria.<br />
<br />
Hindi ko pa kaya. Not now. Not yet. But soon.Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17623035970299656382noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6200117581269124114.post-44280907093855569702015-03-06T04:25:00.002+08:002015-04-09T23:30:40.082+08:00RuPaul's Drag Race Season 7 Initial Impression<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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RuPaul's Drag Race is back for its 7th season! This time around, it's a mix of younger and older queens and according to RuPaul, season 7 won't follow the same format of past seasons.<br />
<br />
First up, Santino Rice is out and we've got 2 new judges. Carson Kressley and Ross Mathews. RPDR fans would recognize Mathews as a guest judge from seasons past. It's nice to see that he's been given a permanent seat in the panel.<br />
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Episode 1 (Born Naked) aired on March 2nd and we got to see our queens in action for the first time. Being a HUGE Drag Race fan, I'll give my first impression of the girls. <b>SPOILERS AHEAD.</b><br />
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<span style="text-align: center;">Miss Fame</span></div>
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I already knew of Miss Fame before she became a RuGirl. Her make-up skills will give all these girls a run for their money. That being said, in the first episode, I can see a glimmer of personality and I can see her desire to win (like all of them) but I wonder if she hack it on stage performance-wise. We know she's pretty. But can she deliver? We have the rest of the season to find out.<br />
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Ginger Minj</div>
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Here we have the chain-smoking-cross-dresser-for-Christ. That just rolls off your tongue doesn't it? Ginger is a comedy queen, or so it seems. I feel like she's gonna be one of the girls to beat this season. That's all I can say. I love the Minj! </div>
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Max Malanaphy</div>
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Max is classically trained. Apparently, he played the Beast in one of the Beauty and the Beast productions. That being said, her runway looks look high fashion and she brings in a taste of old Hollywood glamour. I wan't to see who she'll play in the Snatch Game. </div>
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Jasmine Masters</div>
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The hoe who has something to say. I must say, I love this bitch. Her personality is off the hook and I feel she's the type of girl who you could have drinks and kiki with but cross her and she'll cut a bitch. Runway look was too disco-diva for me. The reveal was nice though. I agree with Carson, she should have taken off the fringe.<br />
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Sasha Belle</div>
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If there is bigger Drag Race fan than me, I have a feeling it's Sasha Belle. Her lobster dress was fierce and I loved the fan toss. Too bad she missed the mark on the runway challenge. I feel that she's too much inside her head and that could lead to her downfall. She knows how the game is played, but she knows from from being on the outside looking in. Let's see what happens to her in the coming days.</div>
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Trixie Mattel </div>
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She doesn't paint for the back row. She paints for the check cashing place across the street. She's serving up some Barbie realness. I think her style is good for the show. There's variety. She is playing a character after all. Side note, she's cute out of drag.<br />
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Mrs. Kasha Davis </div>
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I also knew of Mrs. Kasha Davis but that's because she's auditioned every single season. Take that, Alaska Thunderfvck. Her style of drag reminds me of <i>Days of our Lives</i> for some reason. After 7 years, she's finally a RuGirl so I hope she brings it. I can see the fire in her eyes that she wants this.<br />
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Katya </div>
The Russian hooker. I love her. She's funny and sassy. She referred to Kandy as the Bearded Hoe and that for me was enough to root for her.<br />
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Jaidynn Diore Fierce </div>
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She's got the sass, she's got the attitude. She's hell bent on winning the competition and she's made everyone aware of that since the trailer. She seems likable though.</div>
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Kandy Ho' </div>
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I have mixed feelings about her. She comes off a bit bitchy. Then again it could be the "editing". I just find it a bit off putting what she said to Tempest when they met. A lot of Puerto Rican girls who've been on the show were such sweethearts. Maybe I'm reading too much into this. It's only been one episode after all. I will say this though, the Bearded Hoe delivered a fierce lip sync performance.<br />
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Kennedy Davenport </div>
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When I heard that another Davenport was going to be in the show, first that came to my mind was, "amazing dancer". She's the drag sister of the late Sahara Davenport. A quick search on YouTube showed me that whoever lip syncs against Kennedy will be sent home.<br />
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Pearl </div>
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Pearl also known as the 'trade' of this season. Before the queens were revealed, Pearl was one of the names I'd always see online. When I saw the trailer, I realized why. The bitch has some sickening looks in store for everyone. Some of the girls find her standoffish which I actually like. She looks like she can't be bothered.<br />
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Violet Chachki </div>
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Violet won the first challenge which means she's made her mark on the show. Throughout the show's herstory, the winner of the first challenge either ends up being crowned or at least ends up in the top 5. The only exception to this was Morgan McMichaels from Season 2 who was sent home by the late Sahara Davenport. In the first episode, she seems to be rubbing people the wrong way. I wonder if she's gonna end up being the bitch of the season. I guess we all have to wait and see.<br />
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Tempest DuJour</div>
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She was the first queen to go home. Too bad. I actually liked Tempest. I thought she'd go far in the competition. It seemed to be a big deal that her outfits were uninspiring considering that she's a costumer. But looking back, this isn't the first time someone who knows how to sew was sent home early. Lashawn Beyond from season 4 was the 2nd queen to go home and that bitch could sew. Anyway, I don't think Tempest should have been the first one to go.</div>
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So that's that, my impression of the girls based on the first episode. I'm pretty sure there are those who would have their own opinions on the girls. If you don't agree with mine, that's fine. We are all fans and we all have our own interpretation of the show and the girls.</div>
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It's too early for me to give my top three. I'll probably have a better clue by episode 4.</div>
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Tune in for my mid-season review of RuPaul's Drag Race Season 7! </div>
Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17623035970299656382noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6200117581269124114.post-73993678167727419322014-12-02T14:10:00.001+08:002014-12-02T14:10:15.417+08:00Obsessive - Compulsive: A Real StruggleA lot of people joke about being obsessive-compulsive (OC) or having OC tendencies. These are funny and all but do they truly understand what it feels like? Do they have any idea how much of a struggle it is?<br />
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For example, do they know the feeling of having sleepless nights just because two pillows have a different pillowcase or their pillows are not arranged in a certain order?</div>
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It may seem ridiculous or downright crazy, but that's the reality of it all. Not all of us can function normally knowing that our phones have scratches on them or that one sock isn't symmetrical with the other.<br />
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For other's, it's something so trivial and they look at us like we're freaks of nature but honestly, we're not. We're just wired differently. We look at the world in a different perspective. We appreciate things that strike balance and anything that disrupts that balance sets us off.<br />
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Imagine, having a preference for the color of your gadgets and then one of them is different. It's not hating on the color or the gadget, it's just that it doesn't look even.<br />
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One of the biggest problems I have is with books. If I could buy hardbound books only, I would. But I cant. Some are not available here. When I started reading the Harry Potter books, the first 2 were paperback. The rest were hardbound.<br />
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Can you imagine how annoyed I get when I look at them? They're not balanced. They're not equal. A book is a book... to someone who isn't OC. But for someone who is, this is sacrilege.<br />
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It's not easy dealing with it and we try our best to keep our urges at bay, but it's hard. It's like an itch in our brains that we can't scratch. We all have different forms or quirks of being OC. Some have it easy and they can easily brush it off. For some, it's worse.<br />
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Having to go down at night just to make sure that you locked the front door and then going back down again to make sure that you didn't unlock it by mistake when you were checking if it was locked. Yeah, that happens. I've experienced it. I still do.<br />
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How about arranging your clothes by color and size with the corresponding hangers to indicate which are regular shirts, dress shirts, polo-shirts, pants, and jackets?<br />
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How about not being able to eat when using a different plate or mug because your brain was wired to only appreciate food served on specific plate and drink from a specific mug.<br />
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I could keep going on. I could keep rambling, but I'll just sound crazy to people who don't understand what it feels like.<br />
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So ease up on the jokes. Being obsessive-compulsive isn't that fun.</div>
Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17623035970299656382noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6200117581269124114.post-62222329404310304732014-10-10T01:21:00.004+08:002014-10-10T01:21:52.912+08:00Throwback ThursdayA few years ago, I was at my Mom's birthday party in La Union. My Grandfather (well, he wasn't really my grandfather but you get the point), who was still alive and at the time was there. He lived in Canada but was in the country at that time.<br />
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During the party, I had a guest with me. To the world, he was my bestfriend. but in reality, he was more than that.<br />
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After the party, when all of the guests had left, I was at the house and so was my Grandfather. I don't think I've ever told this story to anyone, not even my Mom. He called me and said he wanted to talk to me.<br />
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"The guy who's with you, I know he's not your bestfriend," he said.<br />
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I looked at him confused while trying to hide my fear that my cover had just been blown.<br />
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"I know he's your boyfriend. I can see it. I can sense it. You don't have to hide the truth."<br />
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I was silent. I did not know how to react. I did not know what to say.<br />
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"It's fine," he said. "You don't have to say anything."<br />
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I smiled and said goodnight.<br />
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A few years after that, I found the courage to come out to my mother and she welcomed me with open arms. She said that she knew since I was young.<br />
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Looking back, I wish I had the courage that night to tell my grandfather the truth. He asked me many times after that and every time, I would deny it. He passed away a month before I came out. At that time, I wished he were alive to hear the news. I think I should mention that that grandfather of mine was gay, and a proud one at that. He was one of the reasons why my Mom loves gay men.<br />
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At that time, I felt a sigh of relief. At least, there was one person who seemed fine with me being gay.<br />
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<br />Adamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17623035970299656382noreply@blogger.com1