Saturday, October 2, 2010

Jonah's Dilemma


I received an e-mail a week or two ago from a reader sharing his dilemma when it comes to coming out. No, he's not out yet. He added me on FB and based on his pictures, he seems as straight as they come. He shared a story and asked for my say on it kasi nabasa nya ang aking coming out story. Na-flatter naman ako, may credibilidad na ba ako ngayon? Since hindi pa out ang kaibigan natin, for anonymities sake, let's call him Jonah.

Anton,

My mom is under the impression that I have GF din eh.. di nya alam may BF din ako.. Grrr! Hanggang ngayon di ako makapaniwala... Parang di ko pa din tanggap sarili ko.. sa mga FB friends ko, ikaw pa lang nakakaalam nito.. and I trust you kasi di alam ng mga tao dito, na ganito ako.. I cant say I am gay.. I dunno, but there's no such thing as bisexual eh. Kaya ayun, I'm scared and I can't label myself as "G".. Di ko talaga masabi.. Hahaha... :D Di ko alam kung ano sasabihin ng parents ko pag nalaman nila. Haaayyy! Anton. Help. Ano ba dapat gawin kooo?

-Jonah

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Jonah,

Personally, I believe in the saying that 'closets are for clothes'. Honestly, ako din I feel awkward when I call myself gay kasi I don't like labels. Situations like this are hard and tricky, pero you are working and self-sufficient, sinong magulang ang hindi magiging proud sa anak na ganun.

Iba iba ang parents kasi there are some na kaya nilang tanggapin, there are some na hindi. Where do you think would your mom fall under? But let me tell you, mothers always have this gut feeling kasi syempre, they see signs through your actions whether you do it on purpose or subconsciously.

Ito ang isipin mo, our society has condemned homosexuality for the longest time and yet there are still gay men who are trying hard to prove that being gay isn't wrong, that it isn't a crime. There is nothing wrong with being gay as long as you conduct yourself with decency specially in public. Jonah, it is your call if you want to come out but don't do it because everyone else is doing it.

Come out when you are ready to. I'll ask you to do what a friend asked me to do. Test the waters first. Tell your friends who dont know. Tell a cousin, a bestfriend, anyone whom you trust. Gaya nga ng sabi ko, it is at that moment you realize who your true friends are and how much your family loves you.

There is nothing more painful that being rejected by your family, but not opening and accepting yourself is very hard as well. You will never truly be happy unless you accept who you are kasi ikaw ang nakakakilala sa sarili mo.

Trust me when I say this, its hard coming out and the fear is almost unbearable but once you take the first step out of your closet, you'll see how much better it is on the other side.

Hope this helps kahit konti.

-Adamsplanet

2 comments:

khyzxhyren27 said...

haist...naku hah baks..well jonah tama si adam..wala ng mas sasarap pa ung maging totoo ka sa sarili mo..dun mo rin malalaman ung mga taong totoo sayo,ung mga taong hindi ka iiwan..napakababaw naman nila if they will judge you just because you are a gay? ano yan sumpa? Malamang ang mom mo nakakahalata na un..remember iba ang kutob ng mga girls..make yourself out of the closet..tao ka at hidni ka damit okay? go for it.!

wanderingcommuter said...

the struggle starts from the pressure and need of classifying one's self. i guess, people don't really need to fit themselves in certain classifications, especially since it builds stereotypes and prejudices.

you are, who you are. i believe, at the end of the day, it is all a matter of learning how to appreciate and respect individuality.

just my 2 cents.