A House Is Not A Home

"But a chair is not a house, and a house is not a home, when there's no one there to hold tight, and no one there you can kiss goodnight..."
-A House Is Not A Home by Dionne Warwick

Living alone isn't as fun as it sounds. The feeling of independence and all that shit gets tiring after a while. Most of my life I've felt alone. During my earlier years, since my mom was busy with work it would normally be just me and the maid at the house. When I entered college, I spent a few years in a dorm, I've tried living alone and I've tried living with housemates.

Now I live alone in a house that's too big for me. Ang hirap sa totoo lang. Ang hirap umuwi sa isang bahay na wala kang dadatnan. Ang hirap kumain mag-isa. Matulog na wala ka manlang nakakausap. Chores and all that are fine with me since I don't like other people touching my things because I want stuff done in a certain way.

I've tried the independent life at nakakapagod din pala. Pag may sakit ako, sino magaalaga sa akin. Pag pagod ako galing work, sino kakausapin ko. Pag nalulungkot ako, whose shoulder will I find comfort in. When I am happy, who will I go home to so I could share the good news.

There are times when I enjoy being alone at the house. I can do whatever the hell I want. Pero nakakalungkot din pala mag-isa. Buti pa nung nasa Baguio ako, nandyan ang mga housemates ko na kakwentuhan ko araw araw. Buti pa nung nasa Baguio ako, nandyan si Lyve na malapit lang ang bahay. Buti pa noon, nandyan ang mga kaibigan na lagi kong kasama at tinuring ko nang pamilya.

Pasensya na kung emo-emohan ang post na to. I guess I'm homesick and a little sad too kasi as usual bumalik na si Parker sa kanila so mag-isa nanaman ako sa bahay.

Living alone is cool and fun at times because I get to do things my own way. Pero...may pero parin.