Inuman Ulit

Dahil bagong sweldo at dahil kareregular lang namin, naisipan ng wave namin na lumabas at uminon. Pero dahil may work si Del, si Jay naman itinakbo ang anak sa ospital, at si Rowie eh medyo nawawala sa sirkulasyon, ako, si Rax, at si Libby lang ang pumunta. So as usual since lasingan at kainan, saGiligans ako nagyaya.

Ewan ko ba pero gustong gusto ko dun.

Syempre, Tanduay Ice ang akin. Stallion naman kay Rax. Kay Libby Iced Tea. Hindi umiinom tong babaeng to eh.

At dahil pare-pareho kaming gutom, ayan, Giligans fried rice at ang kanilang signature na sizzling sisig. Actually nung naubos to, umorder pa nang isa si Libby na ganyan din.

Masaya naman kahit tatlo lang kami. Daming kwentuhan. Daming chismis. Daming revelation. First time kong makasama si Rax na gumimik kasi syempre magkaiba na kami ng department kaya kung kelan match ang schedule dun lang kami nakakapagkita.

May kwinento sa amin si Libby pero sa amin nalang yun. Basta ang comment ko lang, ang haba haba ng rebonded na hair nya.

Nang medyo sumasakit na ang ulo ko, nagyaya na akong umuwi. It was a fun night, I needed to unwind.

Basta pag nakita nyo akong naglalasing sa kung saang bar, just approach me and I'll buy you a beer. Okay?

2 Years Na!

Dahil sa sobrang dami kong ginagawa, sa sobrang pag-eemo, pagka-busy, pagka-depressed, pagka-disorient, pagka-lasing, at kung ano ano pang shit, nakalimutan ko na 2nd Birthday pala nang blog ko nung October 14.

It seems just like yesterday I started my blog. Back in 2008, my blog was not known as 'Adamsplanet', it was known as 'Adamwritesforfun'. Because of some problems, I had to change it. Mas naging matunong ang 'Adamsplanet' for some reason.

Nung una I had no idea how my blog would go so if you would look back to my 2008 posts and early 2009, wala talagang flow. As in wala. It was a mix of everything. Until a few months ago, I finally found my voice in blogging. In fairness effective naman siya.

Ok. So greetings and all that shit.

To my mom who religiously reads my blog and scolds me sometimes lalo na pag nangaaway ako sa blog ko thank you mom for the guidance and advice.

To my Baguio friends who read my blog, Lyve, Anna Mae, Cindy, Zeik, my housemates, friends, enemies, fans, ex's, kahit sino thank you.

To my officemates, Libby, Bongga, Allaine, Mariah, Louie, Maria, Mitch, at kung sino sino pa na nagbabasa ng blog ko dito sa office, lalo na sa mga nagbookmark talaga ng blog ko thank you sa inyong lahat.

To my loyal readers na laging nagbabasa at laging nagcocomment, pati na rin sa ibang mga blogger na dumadayo sa blog ko thank you.

To Parker, na na-inlove ata sa akin dahil sa blog ko. Dito niya ako mas nakilala. Mga tanong na nahihiya siyang itanong sa akin, dito niya hinanapan ng sagot. Thank you for coming to my life.

Finally, to God who continues to bless me with everything in life.

I will try to keep posting more stories, more conversations, more of everything. In this way, I get to share my life with the world so everyone would know that despite all the bad tings that happens to us, it does get better.

So here's to two years...and counting...

Last Na To! Promise!

Eto na!

Eto na talaga!

Regular na ako!

Regular na kami!

Habang nagblo-blog hop ako kanina, lumapit sa akin si Ms. Emma, yes same girl na nagtakbo sa akin sa hospital, at nilapag niya yan sa desk ko.

"Saglit! Kelangan kong picturan to!", sigaw ko.

Nagulat si Ms. Emma, na disorient siya kasi bigla akong tumayo at kinuha agad phone ko.

Natawa ako sa reaction niya. Pati ako nadis-orient.

Pumirma ako dun sa box kung san nakadikit yung yellow something.

At syempre, ginamit ko ang pen na bigay ni Parker. Sinadya kong dalhin today just in case.

At ayan, sure na sure na. Wala nang bawian.

Makakarecive na ako ng allowances and benefits.

May karapatan na akong magkasakit.

Wala na akong takot maglakad sa kalsada ng hatinggabi dahil kahit masaksak ako sa daan eh may medicard na ako.

May dagdag narin sa sweldo ko dahil sa allowances chuchu namin.

Yes na yes!

Congrats sa mga wavemates ko na sina Rowie, Libby, Del, Jay, at Rax. Tumagal tayo ng 6 months mga kapatid. May we spend more years in the company.

Buti naman kumpleto pa tayo. Enjoyin natin ang ating sasahurin sa November 5.

Pak!

Huling Tagay with Mae

Sabado ng hapon nang matapos ang trabaho ko. Lumabas ako ng office at dumeretso ako ng TriNoma. Naghihintay na sa may Landmark si Anna Mae, isa sa aking mga kaibigan mula sa Baguio. Sa 28, lilipad na siya papuntang America dahil nandun ang asawa nya kaya bago pa siya umalis, kinontak niya ako sa fezbuk para magkita kami.

Nang magkita kami, dumeretso kami sa Giligans para umpisahan na ang walang katapusang kwentuhan at inuman.

Nagstart ang first round. Syempre kelangan Tanduay Ice ang inumin dahil traydor ang Tanduay Ice. Lasang Sprite so derederetso ang paglagok. Pagtayo mo, saka mo mararamdaman ang sipa. Mapanlinglang ang Tanduay Ice and dats why I lab et.

At dahil si Mae eh mahilig sa Pica-Pica Platters or anything similar, ayan, dalawang platter ng pulutan. Buti nalang gutom ako nun kasi ang dami nun para sa amin lang. Eto pala si Anna Mae.

The blushing bride that she is. I was suppose to attend her wedding but since I had work and super busy kami nun, hindi ako makapagleave. In fairness, kasal na ata ni Mae ang pinaka-engrandeng kasal sa Narvacan in the past 10 years. Feeling ko kahit governor eh hindi kayang kabugin ang kasal nya.

Anyway, mabalik sa Giligans. Nagumpisa ang kwentuhan namin tungkol sa naging buhay namin sa Baguio. How much we miss it and how homesick we are. How hard it was for us to say goodbye and how we don't want to go to Baguio dahil natatakot kami na hindi na kami umalis.

Kahit na madaming ka-lechehan ang nangyari sa Baguio during the years of our stay there, we had the best years of our lives there.

Matapos ang usapang Baguio, biglang napunta sa love life ang usapan. I checked the time on my phone tapos nilapag ko ito sa table. Nakita ni Mae ang wallpaper ko na picture namin ni Parker. Ayun, kinuha ni Mae ang phone ko at kinalkal ang aking album. Nakita nya mga pics ni Parker.

"Mukhang masaya ka sa kanya", sabi ni Mae.

"I am", sagot ko sabay sindi ng yosi.

"Alam mo ba na 6 years na kami ng asawa ko and this December will be the first Christmas na magkakasama kami"

"Pano mo kinaya ang 6 years Mae?"

"Mahal ko siya. May tiwala ako sa kanya. At kung may gawin man siya, basta alam niya na sa akin siya dapat umuwi", sagot ni Mae.

"Ang hirap din minsan no?"

"Eh hindi naman kasi dapat maging madali yun eh but let me tell you this, konting tiis pa kasi everything will be worth it in the end. I waited for 6 years and at the end, nandito na ako."

"I know", sagot ko.

 "Basta lagi mo tandaan, at itinuro niya eto sa akin, its not the distance that separates us, its the love that binds us and thats what matters"

"Mahal ko siya, and even though its hard na malayo siya sa akin, ok lang at maghihintay ako kasi confident ako na darating yung time magkakasama din kami"

"Thats the spirit beb. Alam mo for your first year, ang dami niyong pagaawayan, pagtatalunan, ang daming tampuhan niyan", sabi ni Mae, "pero as long as you are willing to make it work, as long as mahal niyo ang isa't isa at may tiwala kayo sa isa't isa, everything will smooth out soon"

Nakatingin lang ako kay Mae the whole time. It was the first time that Mae and I talked about love and relationships.

"At ito ang tandaan mo beb, no one can tell you kung sino ang dapat mong mahalin", dagdag ni Mae.

"Tama.You can't tell your heart what to do because it has a mind of its own and the heart wants what it wants", sabi ko sabay hithit ng yosi.

"At eto pa, pareho kayong nasa Pilipinas. You are a boat ride or a bus ride away from each other. Kung kami nga na nasa magkabilang dulo ng mundo eh kinaya namin"

Sa totoo lang, si Mae ang isa sa mga inspirasyon ko pagdating sa long distance relationship kasi hindi rin biro ang 6 years. It has been long enough and I am happy that she gets to be with her husband after all these years.

Buti nalang at nakita ko ang lukaret na to before siya umalis, though nung naghiwalay kami, I had this sinking feeling. This feeling of sadness kasi alam ko na bumalik man ako ng Baguio, hindi na kumpleto ang barkada namin.

Mae, thank you for everything, for seeing the good in me and for being one of the people who took me in when everyone else turned their backs on me. I will forever be grateful for that. It's not everyday that I get to meet someone like you and as painful it is to see you leave, I am happy for you because you get to be with the man you love.

The wait has been long enough. Thank you for all the advice, I know that Parker and I still have a very long way to go, but I'm confident enough that we can handle whatever shit life throws at us.

Have a safe trip beb, and I hope our paths will cross in the future.

Bonne chance mon ami. Au revoir.

Empathizing 101

Kahapon ay nagtraining kami on how to empathize blah blah blah. Kasabay ko sa training ang aking Supervisor. Dapat apat kaming taga Poker pero absent yung dalawa kaya kaming dalawa lang ang nagtaas ng bandila ng Poker sa training.

Bagong drama ng office ito kung saan lahat ng members ng Ops including Supervisors eh i-tratrain on how to be more empathetic with our callers. Oh diba?! Part ako ng second batch at halos lahat ng mga nasa training eh mga newbies or at least mga sumunod na waves so hindi ko sila kilala. Pero may mga ilan din naman na kilala ko.

Nasa first batch ng training ang aking mga ka-team na sina Tess at Aze.

"Habang nagtuturo yung trainer, ikaw yung naalala ko. Pano kaya si Anton pag nasa training na siya kako", sabi ng makulit na si Aze.

Napatawa ako bigla at napaisip. Oo nga naman. Ako? Empathize? Good luck to me.

"Feeling ko kelangan mo ng mga 5 sessions nito", pabirong sabi ni Tess.

5? Feeling ko nga baka 10 sessions na eh saka ko palang i-consider na baka mag-empathize sa mga kausap ko. Joke lang. Hindi naman ako nakikipag-away sa phone, stubborn lang ako.

Ika nga ni Tess, "you sound too authoritative".

Lambingan ko daw.

Nagenjoy naman kami sa training, tinuruan kami ng mga calming statements and all that. Dapat daw i-apply namin ito not only at work but also in real life. Again, goodluck to me.

Tinanong kami ng trainer kung ano ang isang bagay na ginawa namin kung saan we could have been more empathetic dun sa kausap namin. Sinesenyasan akong sumagot ni Bongga at ng ibang mga nandun. Sasagot na dapat ako pero nagbago ang isip ko.

May perfect akong sagot diyan sana. A call that I had 6 months ago which still haunts me to this very day. Pero hindi nalang ako sumagot kasi pag naalala ko yun, bumabalik ang sakit ng alaalang nakalipas. Wow, ang lalim. Nagnonosebleed na ako! My Canadian friend would be so proud of me dahil dereso na akong magtagalog. Thank you ABS-CBN primetime bida for all the punchlines.

Anyway...

Bago magstart ang training, pinasulat kaming lahat sa isang malaking papel na nakakabit  sa wall kung ano ang ine-expect namin na matutunan pagkatapos ng training.

"Learn to be more patient with irate callers", ang aking sinulat.

"Good one!", sabi ng aking Sup sabay ngiti ng nakakaloko.

Haaaaay.

Jackie's Quandary

The other day, ka-txt ko ang bestfriend kong si Jackie.

"Hi Bes! Im heart broken", and una nyang txt.

"Why? Nag-away nanaman kayo?"

"No. We broke up..."

"WHAT??? WHY???", tanong ko. In all caps talaga.

"Siguro napuno na sya. Nagseselos kasi may katxt ako. Eh friendly text lang naman yun", sagot nya

"Bes, work things out with him. Alam mong seloso yang bf mo so live with it. Hindi ka makakahanap ng ibang tulad nyan. Kung galit siya hayaan mo muna, he's just teaching you a lesson na wag maglandi. It's not worth throwing away a really great relationship. Hintayin mo munang lumamig ulo nya saka mo suyuin. Sa lahat ng naging bf mo, sa kanya lang ako boto alam mo yun at may dahilan kung bakit ganun", payo ko.

"Oo nga eh. Nakakatawa no? Last time, you were the one crying out with me, ngayon ako naman."

Haaay... the story of lives nga naman. Bes, up to this day I still dont know if you read my blog. Bestfriend pa mandin kita. Leche. Haha. I want you to know that things will turn out for the better. He loves you, I know that much. Galit lang yan, bigyan mo muna ng space kasi he needs it to think. When he comes to his senses magkakaayos din kayo.

You told me before that we've found the love of lives and nung kami ni Parker ang nagaway, you told me to hold on. You told me to be strong. I will tell you the same thing now. I can see how happy you are with him and hindi naman maiiwasan ang ganyan. The fact of the matter is that you love him. Ipaglaban mo. Fight kung fight.

You're strong Bes, that's why I've always looked up to you and run to you for emotional support. This too shall pass. Believe you me.

A House Is Not A Home

"But a chair is not a house, and a house is not a home, when there's no one there to hold tight, and no one there you can kiss goodnight..."
-A House Is Not A Home by Dionne Warwick

Living alone isn't as fun as it sounds. The feeling of independence and all that shit gets tiring after a while. Most of my life I've felt alone. During my earlier years, since my mom was busy with work it would normally be just me and the maid at the house. When I entered college, I spent a few years in a dorm, I've tried living alone and I've tried living with housemates.

Now I live alone in a house that's too big for me. Ang hirap sa totoo lang. Ang hirap umuwi sa isang bahay na wala kang dadatnan. Ang hirap kumain mag-isa. Matulog na wala ka manlang nakakausap. Chores and all that are fine with me since I don't like other people touching my things because I want stuff done in a certain way.

I've tried the independent life at nakakapagod din pala. Pag may sakit ako, sino magaalaga sa akin. Pag pagod ako galing work, sino kakausapin ko. Pag nalulungkot ako, whose shoulder will I find comfort in. When I am happy, who will I go home to so I could share the good news.

There are times when I enjoy being alone at the house. I can do whatever the hell I want. Pero nakakalungkot din pala mag-isa. Buti pa nung nasa Baguio ako, nandyan ang mga housemates ko na kakwentuhan ko araw araw. Buti pa nung nasa Baguio ako, nandyan si Lyve na malapit lang ang bahay. Buti pa noon, nandyan ang mga kaibigan na lagi kong kasama at tinuring ko nang pamilya.

Pasensya na kung emo-emohan ang post na to. I guess I'm homesick and a little sad too kasi as usual bumalik na si Parker sa kanila so mag-isa nanaman ako sa bahay.

Living alone is cool and fun at times because I get to do things my own way. Pero...may pero parin.

Smoke Free Me? Que Horror!

Kaninang umaga sa office, ginagawa ko ang normal na routine ko. Sumasagot ng phone, nagchecheck ng e-mails, check ng fezbuk at blog, at kakwentuhan si SexyAnne.

Nung mga bandang 8AM, biglang nanikip dibdib ko. Nahihirapan akong huminga. Nagpaalam ako sa aking Senior na si SexyAnne kung pwedeng pumunta muna ako ng pantry para lumagok ng isang litrong tubig dahil nahihirapan akong huminga. Go lang sabi nya.

Habang naglalakad ako pabalik ng Ops Floor, biglang sumakit na talaga. Hindi na talaga ako makahinga to the point na masakit pag-inhale ko. Dumeretso na ako ng HR para humingi ng gamot or tulong or dasal or kahit ano.

Buti may tao nun sa HR ng ganun kaaga. Lets call her Emma.

"Ms. Emma, may gamot ka ba dyan?"

"Bakit Anton? Whats wrong? Masakit ulo mo?"

"I...cant...breathe", sabi ko trying to catch my breath.

Biglang nataranta si Ms. Emma at pinapunta ako ng clinic para humiga. After a few minutes pumunta sya dun namay dalang isang baso ng tubig at isang brown paper bag. Pagkatapos ng ilang minuto bigla kong naramdaman na nasusuka ako so dumeretso ako CR.

Paglabas ko ng CR, nataranta na ata talaga si Ms. Emma so pinakuha nya gamit ko sa station ko at lumabas kami ng office para dalhin ako sa hospital. Since ang pinakamalapit na hospital sa office eh ang East Avenue Medical Center at ang Veterans Memorial Medical Center, isa dun ang pinagpilian nya. Eventually sa Veterans kami pumunta.

First time ko dun, at sa totoo lang takot ako sa hospital or mga doctor or mga nurse. Feeling ko kasi mamamatay ako eh. I've had bad experiences with doctors and nurses in the past.

Ayun nilagay ako agad sa nebulizing room something something at kinabitan ako nung something na may oxygen. Dumating yung doctor and she performed some neurological tests on me. Why she did that is beyond me kasi last time I checked, medyo may kalayuan naman ang lungs ko sa brain ko diba?

Matapos nun, dinala ako sa isang room where they did an ECG on me. Kinabahan ako nun kasi ang daming cables at shit na kinabit sa akin. Feeling ko anytime may papasok na may dalang body bag. At nang matapos yung test na yun, pinabalik ako dun sa room para ma-oxygenate something ako.

May dumating na nurse para kuhanan ako ng dugo para matest daw nila blood chemistry ko. GRABE! Gusto kong iuntog yung nurse. Ginawa akong human voodoo doll. Hindi ata sya marunong kumuha ng dugo or sadyang kulang ang dugo sa katawan ko. Nakalima or anim na tusok sya bago ako nakuhanan ng dugo kaya eto namamaga yung braso ko.

After four grueling hours in the hospital, nirelease nila findings nila. Apparently everything is normal naman daw pero nagdrop daw talaga oxygen level ng katawan ko and my organs were shutting down thats why I felt pain when I tried to breathe and why I started throwing up.

The whole time I was in the hospital, tinatawagan ako ni Parker kasi nagaalala sya. Eh wala siya dito ngayon kaya ayun nagpanic. Si mama naman katxt ko ina-update ko sa kung ano nangyayari sa akin. Oh and by the way, Ms. Emma stayed at the hospital the whole time I was there na sobrang na-appreciate ko. Kaya Ms. Emma if you read my blog, thank you po, as in thank you talaga kasi tinakbo mo ako sa hospital at hinatid ako sa bahay.

By the way, ang advice ng doctor, wag na daw ako mag-yosi. Que horror! Que barbaridad! Can any of you imagine me without cigarettes? Pero mukhang ititigil ko na ang pagyoyosi kasi ayoko na makaramdam ng ganun. Nakakatakot, feeling ko talaga mamatay ako.

Well anyway, I am back in the comfort of my bed. Eto nagbloblog. I'm doing ok na pero nahihirapan parin akong huminga from time to time.

Sensya na kung medyo may pagka-nobela ang post kong to. I wanted it to be as graphic as I could make it with just one hand typing. ^_^

This Is A Very Nice Read

I found this posted on Facebook. Its a very good read kaya gusto kong i-share sa inyo.

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?"

I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?"

In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.

Here's the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse/partner. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit) .

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience.

You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that...expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria (excitement) of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?"

And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else.

This is when marriages or relationship breakdown. People blame their spouse/partner for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage/relationsh ip for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious.

But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it.

I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else.

You could.

And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE/RELATIONSH IP IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON, IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labor of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage/relationsh ip work. Sure true love can only happen after you've fallen out of love. When you begin choosing to love, even if you don't feel like doing it ---- that's true love. And that's the foundation of a lasting and strong marriage.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships.

Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger.

It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable. .. you can "make"love.

Love is indeed a "decision".. . Not just a feeling. You'll not just go away with your relationship just because the feeling is gone. In the Bible, love is a command. You make it happen.

Remember this always:

"God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go."
- Ruth Beltran

"Marriage is more than saying I Do. Marriage, like a precious plant, needs constant tending for it to grow, flourish, and bear fruti to last a lifetime, and beyond."
-David and Evelyn Feliciano

Eto Na!

Eto ang proof. Ang patunay. Ang katibayan na ako ay isang nang ganap na regular sa department namin. It's the letter of appointment something something na nakita kong nakalapag sa desk ko pagbalik ko galing break.

"I left something on your desk", sabi ng aking Supervisor.

"Ok", sagot ko.

Paglapit ko sa desk ko, bumibilis ang tibok ng puso ko.

"Diyos miyo ano nanaman ginawa ko?", tanong ko sa sarili ko. Tinitigan ko ang nakabaliktad na papel na nakapatanong sa desk ko. I searched my soul for anything that I might have done wrong in the past 72 hours. Biglang lumapit ang Sup ko nang makita nyang nakatayo lang ako at parang adik na nakatitig lang sa papel.

"Open it", sabi nya.

"Im scared", pabiro kong sinagot.

Kinuha nya ang papel at ibinaliktad at nakita ko ang word na 'Congratulations' agad. Nakahinga ako bigla ng maluwag. Inabutan nya ako ng ballpen at pinirmahan ko na. Official na talaga. Wala nang bawian to. No no no no.

Finally may pinirmahan na akong document that doesn't have the words 'written', 'verbal', 'warning', or 'violation'. Ang saya saya ko. Sweldo ko pa ngayon. Dadating si Parker sa weekend. I'm starting to like this month.

Oh yeah! Oh yeah!

LDR Brevities and Ambiguities

Sa mga readers ko, ilan sa inyo ang naniniwala sa long distance relationship? How many of you believe that two people could make such a relationship work? Meron ba sa inyo? Raise your hand nga kung meron.

Dadaan ang mga araw, linggo, at buwan, na hindi kayo magkikita. Dadaan ang mga araw na ang paraan lamang para makapagusap kayo eh sa cellphone. Minsan sa Facebook o kaya naman Skype. Dadaan ang mga minuto kung kelan sobrang mamimiss mo ang taong mahal mo dahil malayo siya sayo.

Para makapagkita kayo, may pagtawid ng dagat na drama pa. Para makapagkita kayo, ang laki ng gastos dahil sa pagbyahe. Parang ang hirap no? Pero hindi rin. Depende sa inyo yun. I've always asked myself why are other people so afraid of committing to a long distance relationship. Isn't it enough that you love and trust the person? Does being physically there mean that he or she will always be loyal and truthful?

Oo mahirap, oo challenging, pero diba mas masaya yun? It's how you test your love. It's how you gauge how much the person loves you because no matter how far he or she is, pinanghahawakan nya ang sinabi mong mahal mo siya. Inaalagan nya ang tiwalang binigay mo.

It's hard at first, kasi you long for each other. It's challenging and all that, but in the end, it gets better. There are times na magaaway kayo at magtatalo at ang hirap na wala sa tabi mo yung tao. It's hard when you are all alone crying in a corner and all you want is for the person to hug you and tell you that everything's gonna be okay.

When you argue or fight, there is no harm in saying sorry. Apologizing does not always mean you are wrong and the other person is right. It just means you value your relationship more than your pride and ego.

Everyday that passes by na wala sya sa tabi mo feels like an eternity of waiting, but when the wait comes to and end, pag nakita mo na sya, ang mga mata nya, ang matamis nyang ngiti, wasn't the long wait well worth it? 

Kaya sa iba dyan na takot magmahal ng taong malayo sa iyo, ang masasabi ko ay take a chance. Sumugal ka. Maniwala ka pag sinabi nyang mahal ka nya. Alagaan mo ang tiwala na ibibigay nya. Forget what the world has to say. Carpe diem and all that shit. It all gets better in the end and you'll know that it was worth the wait.

Wake Me Up When September Ends

September has been a whirlwind month for me. Thank God it's over. For the past few years, I've always hated this month. Theres just so many things in my past that remind me of bad things that happened in this month. Though I have to say that this year, it was a bit different because I did not hate the month completely. There are things that happened that made me actually like it.

First off, I publicly came out. Whoopee! I came out to my friends, officemates, almost everyone in my life. Aside from that, Parker and I celebrated out first month together and even if we argue at times we become closer and love each other more everyday. I also got regularized in our department this month. I made new friends, learned new things, realized things.

I try not to remember about the things or people that hurt me before which led me to hating this month and I don't want to harbor that much anger inside me anymore because it's not healthy because no matter how self-absorbed this may sound, I do not deserve what those people did to me. I admitted my faults, yet they still left me when I needed them. I opened myself up to them and they left me hanging over the edge. 

I guess it's high time to let go of all of that anger and rage and just move on. It's time para kalimutan ko na lahat ng yun kasi no matter how painful it may have been at that time, it made me who I am now. When Eleanor Roosevelt said that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent, the woman had a point. It's about time I forget the past and look at a different future.

I have my friends, I have my family and I have the love of my life with me. So kung kayo na nanakit sa akin at iniwan ako nung kailangan ko kayo eh nababasa nyo to, eto lang ang masasabi ko sa inyo. One last line to let go of everything:

"I'm burning the bridge between all of us. I'm letting go and never looking back. Look at me and where I am then look at where you are. I don't have the perfect life, not even close, but I am genuinely happy and contented. I have people who care about me and love me unconditionally. So mamatay kayo sa inggit. Wapak!"

Walang bahid ng bitterness ano? ahihihi.

Jonah's Dilemma

I received an e-mail a week or two ago from a reader sharing his dilemma when it comes to coming out. No, he's not out yet. He added me on FB and based on his pictures, he seems as straight as they come. He shared a story and asked for my say on it kasi nabasa nya ang aking coming out story. Na-flatter naman ako, may credibilidad na ba ako ngayon? Since hindi pa out ang kaibigan natin, for anonymities sake, let's call him Jonah.

Anton,

My mom is under the impression that I have GF din eh.. di nya alam may BF din ako.. Grrr! Hanggang ngayon di ako makapaniwala... Parang di ko pa din tanggap sarili ko.. sa mga FB friends ko, ikaw pa lang nakakaalam nito.. and I trust you kasi di alam ng mga tao dito, na ganito ako.. I cant say I am gay.. I dunno, but there's no such thing as bisexual eh. Kaya ayun, I'm scared and I can't label myself as "G".. Di ko talaga masabi.. Hahaha... :D Di ko alam kung ano sasabihin ng parents ko pag nalaman nila. Haaayyy! Anton. Help. Ano ba dapat gawin kooo?

-Jonah

****************
Jonah,

Personally, I believe in the saying that 'closets are for clothes'. Honestly, ako din I feel awkward when I call myself gay kasi I don't like labels. Situations like this are hard and tricky, pero you are working and self-sufficient, sinong magulang ang hindi magiging proud sa anak na ganun.

Iba iba ang parents kasi there are some na kaya nilang tanggapin, there are some na hindi. Where do you think would your mom fall under? But let me tell you, mothers always have this gut feeling kasi syempre, they see signs through your actions whether you do it on purpose or subconsciously.

Ito ang isipin mo, our society has condemned homosexuality for the longest time and yet there are still gay men who are trying hard to prove that being gay isn't wrong, that it isn't a crime. There is nothing wrong with being gay as long as you conduct yourself with decency specially in public. Jonah, it is your call if you want to come out but don't do it because everyone else is doing it.

Come out when you are ready to. I'll ask you to do what a friend asked me to do. Test the waters first. Tell your friends who dont know. Tell a cousin, a bestfriend, anyone whom you trust. Gaya nga ng sabi ko, it is at that moment you realize who your true friends are and how much your family loves you.

There is nothing more painful that being rejected by your family, but not opening and accepting yourself is very hard as well. You will never truly be happy unless you accept who you are kasi ikaw ang nakakakilala sa sarili mo.

Trust me when I say this, its hard coming out and the fear is almost unbearable but once you take the first step out of your closet, you'll see how much better it is on the other side.

Hope this helps kahit konti.

-Adamsplanet