Ring... Ring... Ring...
"Halooo", ang malanding bati sa phone ng friend kong si Cora.
"Dito sa bahay. Why?"
"Wala lang. Punta ka dito sa bahay. Im bored. Tambay ka dito. I'll make pancakes para merienda natin." sagot ko.
"Ok give me 20 minutes kasi maliligo pa ako."
To think, Cora lives just about a block away from my house, it took her almost an hour to get there. Nakapagprepare na ako. Nakabili na ako ng ingredients, nalinis ko na ang garage ko, naihalo ko narin yung pancake mix, saka palang siya dumating.
Lumagpas daw kasi siya. She never seems to remember where my house is.
"May microwave ka diba?"
"Oo ayun o." sagot ko sabay turo sa microwave. "Bakit ba?"
"May dala akong popcorn" sagot niya sabay tawa.
Pumunta ako sa kusina para magluto. Nang matapos ako, dinala namin ang food at drinks sa veranda ng kwarto ko. Mas maganda dun eh, at least open air. Al fresco ang peg.
Cora is actually my choirmate. The moment we met, magaan agad loob ko sa kanya. She was very sweet and funny at nasasakyan niya jokes ko. In the entire choir, there's only about 2 or 3 people who know that I'm gay.
I haven't gone back in the closet. I just want to see their reaction when they find out hahaha. Besides, I don't think it'll be an issue since there are a lot of gay guys in the choir.
Anyway, back to the veranda.
Nagkwekwentuhan lang kami when we started talking about how we deal with anger.
I told her that when I'm mad, I like breaking things. It's my form of release. She on the other hand wants to be taken seriously when she's mad.
"Lalo akong nagagalit pag yung tipong mainit na nga ulo ko eh magjojoke ka pa." sabi niya.
She said that she wants to change that about her.
I immediately interjected and told her not to.
"That's who you are. Why would you change it? That's who you are. Would it make you feel better kung babaguhin mo yan?"
"Siguro", sabi niya.
"Siguro is not good enough. Are you trying to change kasi it will help you? Or do you want to change kasi iniisip mo ang sasabihin ng iba?"
"Gusto kong baguhin yung ugali ko para sa sarili ko. Eh kung ganun ako pag mainit ang ulo, anong sasabihin ng iba? Pano ko makukuha yung respect--"
"See that's my point. You're not doing it for yourself. You're doing it for others." I said, cutting her off.
Bigla siyang natahimik at tumingin lang sa akin. Me, being the tactless person that I am, would not shut up.
"You say na gusto mo makuha respeto ng mga taga church? Always remember, respect is earned not imposed." sabi ko.
"Eh bakit si ano, tignan mo siya hindi siya nirerespeto."
"Magkaiba kayong dalawa. Unang-una, siya eh kilala na bilang ganun. Eh ikaw, lagi ka bang nagagalit?"
"Hindi." sagot niya agad.
"O yun naman pala eh. Wag mong i-compare ang sarili mo sa kanya. Siya, hindi siya nirerespeto kasi hindi niya binigyan ang iba ng dahilan para respetuhin siya. Ikaw, you have their respect kasi you earned it. May respeto sila sayo. They look up to you."
Natahimik siya ulit.
"Alam mo, you should change for yourself because it will help you. Never change who you are just because of what others might say or think. You cannot please everybody. Kung hindi ka nila maintindihan, then fine. They don't deserve you. Look for another group that will. Sa dami ng tao sa mundong 'to, there are and will always be people who would love you just the way you are." dagdag ko.
Tahimik parin siya.
"Am I making any sense to you?" tanong ko. I was a bit worried that I may have overstepped my boundaries.
"Oo. Alam mo, hindi ko naisip na ganyan ka pala ka-mature mag-isip."
"Kasi pag nasa church tayo sobrang tahimik mo lang."
Natawa ako sa sinabi niya. She said that I made a lot of sense. Pero natawa ako kasi sabi niya tahimik daw ako pag nasa church.
Imagine dear readers, there are moments in my life pala when I can actually keep quiet for a sustainable amount of time.