Happy Birthday, Gregory!

Happy Birthday to the best boyfriend in the world!

Happy Birthday to you who makes me smile and makes me laugh out loud without a care in the world.

You who loves me unconditionally.

You who makes my day complete.

You who still sweeps me off my feet.

I may not show it and I may not say it all the time, but I am grateful to have you in my life. I know I can be a handful because loving me means you have to love everything that I am and everything that I am not.

Between the two of us, you are the rational one. You are the perfect balance I need to remind myself that I don't need a lot of things in life to be happy. You take care of me in ways that make me realize that I no longer have to be alone. I don't thank you enough for that.

You have all these little quirks that make me smile whenever I think about them and you keep your composure even when things get rough but the times when you've let your guard down and I saw you break, those moments made me love you a bit more because I saw a side of you that no one else saw.

I love how we have our own little world, our own little bubble where even if it's just the two of us, we don't get bored with one another and we can go on laughing for hours on end. Most people don't even get to experience that kind of love.

I was broken when you met me, I still am and for so many years I've become accustomed to doing things by myself. At times I've pushed you away and built a wall but I am amazed at how patient you are and that even if you don't exactly understand what I am going through or what it feels like to be me, you try your best to do so. Just because I don't say it, it doesn't mean that I don't see the effort you make.

With you I feel safe. With you I feel secure, and little by little, I start to feel whole.

I love you not because of the sweet things you do for me, I love you because you love me despite everything I am that isn't worth loving.

And since it is your birthday, I wrote a song for you.



I hope you like it.

Love,
Adam

Happy Mothers Day!

Today is a special day.

It's Mother's Day. The day we dedicate to our Mothers, the woman who drives us crazy sometimes but we love her no matter what and we run to her when shit hits the fan.

All of my friends know that my mother and I have a non-conventional Mother-Son relationship. We're more like bestfriends and we can tell each other anything. When I am down, my mother is not the type who will pacify me. She will tell me to stand up and face the world with my head held high.

She taught me to be independent, to stand on my own two feet.

My mother can't do the laundry, but she'll hire the best laundry woman there is. She can't really cook, but she tries her best in the kitchen. My mother is not a typical mother. She has the beauty that make men fawn over her, she has the flare and pizzazz of a gay man, she curses like a sailor and she has one of the most infectious laughs I've ever heard.

When I told her I was gay, she said her dream came true. When something good happens, she's the first person I would call. When I need guidance on something big, I would solicit her advice. She gives good insight on things like when she told me this: "Good things come to those who wait. But not too long. I don't like waiting for a long time."

Everyone says that they have the best Mom in the world. Well, not only do I have the best mom, I also have the coolest mom.

I mean, look at her. Carrying around that selfie pod, not a care in the world :)

Happy Mother's day, Ma. Love you.

Sa Ngalan Ng Pamilya (Paninindigan - Reputasyon - Dangal)

So this is what has been keeping me busy. I'm part of a play.

It's a family drama that focuses on the life of the Ibarra family. A family with a dominating father who has too much control over his children, a wife who blindly follows her husband, and children who yearn to be free from their father's tyrant rule.

Presented by the San Lorenzo Ruiz Parish Gospel Choir in partnership with the Parish Youth Ministry.

Dates: April 14 and 16, 2014

Price: 100php

Venue: San Lorenzo Ruiz Parish Formation Center, Tierra Verde 1, Tandang Sora, QC

The Boss and I

My boss and I have a simple but also somewhat-complex relationship. I drive him crazy, he drives me crazy, but it works for the both of us. I bitch about him asking me to write stuff, he complains about how I never show up for work on time. Simple stuff. But every now and then, there are moments when we sit and talk, like good old friends, and I seek for his advice.

"Are you nervous?" he asked.

"Nervous, excited, impatient, I don't really know."

We were discussing something about work. Because it's something that's confidential, I can't really go into much detail.

"I don't know what to do or what to feel," I said.

He talked me through the whole thing and gave me advice on what to do. You see, dear readers, I am now in a phase where I am ready to step up and do more in the company so I've been trying to work on that. But at the same time, a part of me was scared shitless because my job now has become my comfort zone. I've been doing this gig for 3 years. It's a no-brainer for me now.

"You don't wanna stay here forever. You spend what, 2 hours editing articles, and the rest of the day smoking or on Facebook or those side projects we ask you to do. I don't complain because you do what you are told and you deliver what is expected of you but you don't wanna check the typo errors of our writers forever. You have the potential to do more and the company could benefit from that," he told me.

He echoed what I was feeling for some time now.

"Go to the interview and impress whoever you need to impress. I'm sure you'll do well when you get the job. Go in there, kick ass, show them that you deserve that job and maybe show up for work on time," he added with a chuckle.

My boss and I may not always see eye to eye and there are times when we argue over small things but I am glad that I have a boss who I can run to for advice whenever I need it and he would know exactly what to say to me. How lucky am I, right?

The Harshness Of Me

I was with one of my friends who also happens to be one of my choir mates. Nasa labas kami ng simbahan at tumatambay. We were discussing the choir and how the people are performing within the group.

I've been part of show choirs in the past so for me, a choir should be able to stand without an instrumentalist. But for the choir I am in right now, since it is a church choir, if the instrumentalist isn't available, it's like all hell just broke loose.

They rely too much on the accompaniment which goes to show that they are not confident enough that their own voices would be able to give justice to the song. The funny thing is, we use sheet music and SATB arrangements so singing acapella shouldn't be an issue. But that's rather here nor there at this point.

"Sana magkaroon ng acapella choir dito no? That would be awesome!" he suddenly said.

"Actually, we've been planning to form a quartet for a while now," I answered.

"Acapella?" he asked.

"Of course. I want to have a quartet with really good members so that we wont have to rely on an instrumentalist. Everything will be acapella."

"Sino sino kayo?"

I told him the names of my companions.

"We already have a Soprano, Alto and I'll be the Bass. The problem is finding a good Tenor. One that will pass my standards," I said.

"Why not me? I'm a Tenor," he suggested.

"Please don't take this the wrong way. We're friends and I like you and all but you don't pass my standards," I replied without skipping a beat.

I think I hurt his feelings with what I said. Not sure.

See, that's the problem with me. I am candid. Too candid, if I'm being honest, so sometimes I don't notice if I'm saying things that are offensive because I forget that not everyone is a cold-hearted bitch like me.

Some people have actually feelings or something to that effect.

"Here's the deal," I said, "Your voice is too nasal-ly and there are notes you can't reach using a natural tenor range and when you do, it sounds too thin. So take it as you will but for a quartet that requires all 4 voices, you will not be an option for me. But if I were to form a group that would sing at gigs/bars, trust me, you'll be one of the first few I'll ask since you sing RnB pretty well."

I think that was a good save. Was it? This is why I try to avoid human contact. I am forced to have a conscience or something that resembles one.

And I wonder why people say I can be very mean.

Oh well.

Ang kwento ni Medyo-Malanding-Kitty Part 2

Pag-dating namin sa bahay, hindi parin makaget over ang lahat sa nangyari. Nakakaloka si Medyo-Malanding-Kitty.

Hiniram ni Sven and Nintendo DS ko at naglaro sa isang sulok, si Diva naman ay inaantok kaya umidlip muna sa sofa. Kami ni Dyosa ay tumambay sa dining table para magyosi. Pinaguusapan parin namin si Medyo-Malanding-Kitty.

"Hindi ba siya nahihiya sa mga ginagawa niya?" sabi ni Dyosa na halatang nakukunsume dahil sa nangyari.

"Eh alam mo naman yun, walang delikadesa sa katawan. Saka anong magagawa natin. Nakatikim at nagustuhan, ayan tuloy gusto na niyang tikman lahat," sagot ko sabay sindi ng yosi.

Hindi maka-get over si Dyosa. Affected si bakla.

"Hindi pwedeng ganyan na pinagsasabay niya. Okay lang kung pa-isa-isa pero yung ganyang pinagsasabay niya lahat, paano kung magkasakit siya?"

"May antibiotics," sagot ko na walang kagatol-gatol.

"Paano kung mabuntis siya?!"

"Malay mo baog or yung lalaki ang baog," sagot ko sabay hit-hit ng yosi.

"Sana nga."

"Saka kung mabuntis siya, kawawa yung bata. Lukaret ang magiging nanay niya."

Napatawa kaming dalawa ng malakas.

"Alam mo ang problema kasi eh kinukunsinti niyo. Lalo na yang si Diva," sabi ko sabay turo sa kanya.

"Sila," sagot ni Dyosa. "Jusme hindi uubra sa akin yang mga ganyan ni Medyo-Malanding-Kitty."

"Eh ang masama pa, pag may nangyari sa kanya, sino ang masisisi? Si Diva. Kasi kaibigan niya. Siya yung sisisihin ng magulang ni Medyo-Malanding-Kitty."

"Hindi nga?!" tanong ni Dyosa.

"Oo," sagot ko. "Nangyari na yun dati. Basta may kagagahan gawin yang si Medyo-Malanding-Kitty, si Diva ang napapagalitan. Siguro titigil lang si Diva sa pangungunsinti kapag umabot sa point na siya na yung mapahamak."

"Paano?"

"Ewan. Siguro yung mabuntis si Medyo-Malanding-Kitty tapos sugurin ng magulang niya si Diva dahil hindi binantayan. As if naman may power si Diva na kontrolin ang batcave ni Medyo-Malanding-Kitty."

Nagpatuloy ang usapan namin ni Diva ngunit gabi na at may pasok pa ako kinabukasan.

Nagpaalam na sila at umuwi sa kani-kanilang mga bahay.

Kinabukasan, habang pauwi ako galing trabaho, nagtext si Dyosa.

"Punta kami nila Diva sa bahay mo."

"Sige", aking reply sa text.

Pagdating ko sa bahay ay nandun sila sa gate at hinihintay ako.

"Nagtext si Medyo-Malanding-Kitty," sabi ni Diva.

"Ansabe?"

"Im depressed, andyan ba kayo kina Anton? Pwede ba akong pumunta dyan?"

"Anong sagot mo?" tanong ko.

"Pumunta ka ng adoration chapel."

Napatawa ako ng malakas.

"Anong sabi pagkatapos?"

"Hindi na nagreply."

Humagalpak kaming lahat sa kakatawa.

"Eh paano nga kung pumunta siya dito sa bahay mo?" tanong ni Dyosa.

"Unang-una, dapat ako ang tanungin niya dahil bahay ko 'to. Pangalawa, hindi pwede. Banned siya sa bahay ko," sagot ko in my best Senyora Santibanez accent.

"Ha?! Baket?!" tanong nilang lahat.

Itutuloy...

How Do You Keep A Secret?

A few days ago, I was with one of my friends, let's call him Billy, and we were discussing something about his best friend, who we shall name Justin. You see, Billy found out by accident that his best friend is gay. Justin has no idea that Billy found out. Billy is upset that Justin hasn't come out to him and is frustrated about the whole thing because they have been friends for many years and he feels that he deserves to find out directly from Justin. Billy has been hounding me about the whole thing. I think he is under the impression that I am an expert of the subject of homosexuality.

"Kung ikaw, Anton, paano mo itatago na may alam ka?", Billy asked.

"If I were in your situation, I would keep in mind that my friendship with the person goes beyond his sexuality so our friendship will always come first."

"Eh paano nga? Ang hirap na nakikita ko siya at hindi ko siya makausap."

"Ganito lang yan. Respect. Since he hasn't come out to you, you will have to respect his decision. Wala kang magagawa kundi mag hintay na maging ready siya. you said na hindi issue sa iyo ang pagiging bakla niya, then why are you bothered now?"

He kept arguing with me because I was not giving him the answer he wanted to hear. I gave the answer he was supposed to hear but he was having none of it.

Amidst of all of this, his question lingered and the words "paano mo itatago na may alam ka?" resonated inside my head. I then remembered that I am in a similar situation.

Another friend of mine, let's call him Danny, came out to me a few years ago and ever since then, I have been keeping his secret. How did I manage to keep things a secret this long? I know his friends, I know his family and yet I have managed to help him keep this secret from them.

It all boiled down to respect. Him coming out to me wasn't his choice. His exact words before were, "the cat's out of the bag. Why would I still deny it?" But he asked me to keep his secret for only I knew the truth. I respected that.

He introduced me to his circle and I am still friends with them up to this day. When they chat and reminisce about time gone by, I can't help but feel an ounce of guilt and jealousy because the things I know about him are the things I am not allowed to talk about. If only they knew that side that I've seen, they would love and embrace him too regardless of his sexuality.

For a baffling moment, I questioned how I've managed to keep my mouth shut and pretend as if I knew nothing. But in the moment it took me to question myself, I also found the clarity, the answer that I needed. I respected his request not because he came out to me. I respected his request because he was my friend and that was the only reason I needed.

Going back to Billy, he was relentless in hounding me about the whole thing but at some point I steered the conversation to another direction because I was not giving him the answer he wanted to hear so he wasn't accepting the explanation I was trying to give.

Maybe I'll document the whole Billy-Justin saga. I just hope they don't find my blog :D

Random Conversations With The BF

Him: I don't want to be a nagger.
I point at something behind him.
Me: Look over there! Something shiny!
He starts laughing.
Him: Stop it! You wont distract me!
He slowly turns around.
Me: Why did you look?
Him: Eh kasi you said there was something shiny.

******

I was watching TV. He was asleep. I was startled when he woke up and suddenly hit me in the arm.
Me: WTF?!
Him: That's what you get for hitting me!
Me: When did I hit you?!
Him: When I spilled chili sauce on your shoes. You yelled at me in front of a lot of people.
Me: What the hell are you talking about?!
Him: Oh... wait... I think I was dreaming haha
*facepalm

******

Him: My officemates are making fun of me for calling a friend because I can't decide which phone to get. I have first world problems daw.
Me: Eh you have first problems problems naman talaga.
Him: Che!

******

Him: So I've been quiet because I'm cold and busy and my boss goes, "Gregory has been very quiet today"
Me: Eh kasi when you stop talking people worry that you're having an aneurysm or something :)
Him: Che!

******

Me: I don't want to eat the Sicilian or Greek place. It smells bad. It smells like feet.
Him: How could you even compare food to the smell of feet?
Me: Have you smelled durian?
Him: Yeah. Why does your feet smell like durian?
Me: After running and jogging it might.
Him: Ewww! And I can say ewww because my feet don't smell.
Me: Eh kasi you don't walk.
Him: I walk!
Me: Shopping does not count.
Him: I don't shop all the time!
Me: When was the last time you shopped?
Him: Last week.
I start laughing hysterically.
Him: Stop it! I shop out of necessity.
I'm still laughing hysterically.
Him: Nakakainis ka.
He starts laughing too.

******

Him: Okay let's make a deal. When I have moments or you think I'm being crazy you say a word so I'll know what you consider as a "moment".
Me: Sige I'll say the word Pikachu.
Him: Okay. Oh my gosh! you know where I wanna eat?!
Me: Pikachu! Pikachu! Pikachu!
Him: What?!
Me: Pikachu! Pikachu! Pikachu!
Him: That's gonna lose its meanig if you keep doing that.
Me: Pikachu! Pikachu! Pikachu!
He stops talking.
Me: Pikachu! Pikachu! Pikachu!
Him: I'm not even talking.
Me: Pikachu! Pikachu! Pikachu!
Him: Nakakainis ka.

******

While driving me home, he played Defying Gravity. I started singing along.
Me: When I was in college, we did a show called 'Songs I'll Never Get To Sing' and I sang this.
Him: Why this song?
Me: Because I'll never get to play Elphaba.
Him: I think I would rather play Glinda.
Me: That's because she's blonde.
Him: Stop comparing me to a blonde!