Monday, November 4, 2013
What's In a Tag?
Last week, we had our LoveYourself General Assembly. Imagine a big hall full of gay men. It was hag heaven. There were team building activities and announcements and stuff. One particular activity that struck me had something to do with the bag tags in the photo.
The tags were on a podium and the podium was carried to the center of the hall. We were instructed to take the tag/s and give them to people who we feel had an impact on us. There were 3 colors and every color had a meaning.
Red meant, "I love you, friend."
White meant, "Thank you, friend."
Black meant, "I'm sorry for the past year."
I took several tags and gave them to people who I knew deserved it. I got 4 red tags and a white one. I was not expecting to receive any since I know how much of a bitch I can be.
But I got one, a red one. It came from Shey, the girl in our batch. She smiled when she handed me the tag.
I got another one. Another red from my friend, Mickey.
The third I received from my friend, Jabar. It was black. He said it was suppose to be red but there weren't any red tags left when he went to the podium.
The last one I received was white. It was from Gregory's bestfriend, Brian. "This is for you. Thank you because I wouldn't be here without you," he said.
I was stumped. I can't believe people gave me tags. It's was a very simple gesture but it meant so much to me. Although I must admit, a part of me was still in disbelief. I asked myself, "did they give me tags because I gave them tags? Were they just being polite or were these tags really earmarked for me?"
I never asked them. A part of me feared the truth. I chose to be in a state of epistemic ambivalence.
Like what I wrote before, I don't know how to receive compliments in whatever form they may be. It's something foreign to me. That very moment, I was swept with emotions I promised myself I wouldn't feel. But I was happy and thankful that I had friends like them.
Makes me think that maybe, just maybe, I'm not entirely the monster I've believed myself to be.